Church of the Frozen Chosen

There was a church I visited it's windows trimmed in gold - But when I walked inside the door I suddenly felt cold - Two ushers were just standing there - they looked at me and glared - I asked them where the bathroom was and they pointed down the stairs - Soon I went in and found a pew - the choir took it's place - But they all looked like statues as they stared off into space - When they finished singing the preacher said a prayer - With no emotion in his voice he welcomed new guests there - I really got uncomfortable and didn't know what to do when he said "Church of the Frozen Chosen is proud to welcome you - We hope you will enjoy your stay - come back but please take note - Unless you want to freeze to death be sure and bring your coat - The heater isn't broken - in fact it works quite well - But we begin to freeze up if someone mentions hell - We remember what the Lord said in a story He once told - If you're lukewarm I'll spew you out - you must be hot or cold - We've seen some churches that were hot - they gave us quite a scare - Some people started shouting - raising hands up in the air - Some even started dancing and some fell on the floor - It scared us all so bad we almost made a door - We are a church built by man and we do as we please - Satan often visits here but he never seems to freeze - So if you have a strong desire to freeze a burning soul - Bring them here to visit us and we'll help you reach your goal!