Buying Condoms

BUYING CONDOMS I was desperate to buy me some condoms On a Wednesday morning in June My girlfriend had made me a promise And we were meeting up that afternoon For she'd noticed that in my frustration My flat....which I kept fairly neat Now had fingernail marks on the ceiling And teethmarks on the toilet seat So she promised an hour of pleasure As pleasurable as it could be She wanted fifty eight minutes With the other two minutes for me Now you folks are probably thinking Splitting an hour like that was a crime But in my mood of complete desperation Two minutes seemed like a long time So I stood in a queue in the chemist's Hoping to be quite discrete While the lady in front bought and paid for Corn plasters to stick on her feet And when my turn came I was gutted I though 'this must be a joke' For a gorgeous young girl came to serve me I was wanting a grizzly old bloke Embarrassed I picked up some aspirin But her smile put me quickly at ease She said as she took the box from me 'Would you like some condoms with these?' 'We have them in black, red or tartan And ribbed ones to last a long time' 'Do you have a favourite flavour? We have peppermint, strawberry or lime' 'Flavours?'........ I nervously stuttered 'Strawberry?.......'Is that what you said?' 'These things are to go on my winkie' 'Not between two slices of bread' She chuckled away as she wrapped them She'd decided on tartan and lime And smiled as she gave me the packet Then wished me a really good time I dashed around home in a frenzy The minutes were ticking away My girlfriend was coming here shortly For our sixty minutes of play My clothes hit the floor in a heartbeat I put on my condom with glee And the first that she saw, as she opened the door Was my tartan condom and me She screamed as the door closed behind her Her face like a deathly white mask Then pointed and silently shuddered, 'What're you going to do with that flask?' I chuckled 'It isn't a flask it's a condom' Tartan and flavoured with lime' With disgust she turned and departed Walking out for the very last time So my day of passion was stifled I didn't make it as far as the bed And as my condoms were lime flavour I had them with corn flakes instead