Blur

You left a hole in my heart that nobody can fix I always listen to your favorite songs and look back at old pics You let me be myself by giving me freedom and space You never yelled at me when you were mad, but I could see it in your face You were a pretty quiet guy and enjoyed your time alone You loved fishing, bike riding, and listening to the music on your phone You protected the family by making us feel secure Whenever I was sick you always knew the proper cure You weren’t big on doctors or getting help from others You didn’t tell anyone you were sick, not even your mother You didn’t want people to think you weren’t tough You always told Brad and I not to sweat the small stuff Although you didn’t show it often, I knew you were so proud of me I loved showing off my grades to you, you never cared when I got a B You wanted me to be happy with whatever I chose to do You never forced me to be a doctor, it is what I choose to pursue We had a special relationship unique to you and I I will never forget kissing you that final goodbye You laid there in peace, with an open mouth and closed eyes No longer breathing, you had finally died I sat there in shock, not knowing what to do I cant believe this was my dad, why did it have to be you? I felt so many emotions that my body felt numb I hope this is something I will one day overcome My heart is in such pain and I am constantly sad I can’t believe this happened to my smart, healthy dad This traumatizing experience will never escape my mind I watched how your health gradually declined When you were put on the ventilator, I knew it was bad news It was so scary and painful to see what you were going through I hated that you couldn’t talk and that you were heavily sedated I was praying to heaven that you would finally be extubated I jumped for joy when mom called to say the tubes were removed Little did I know that you would never improve So much has changed since all of this occurred When I look back on this experience, it is all a blur