Blink

Anything can change in the blink of an eye. You could win the lottery and the next day you die. These thoughts and feelings make it very hard to even try. But if I said, I was giving up, that would be a lie. Today becomes yesterday in the blink of an eye. Some times seem to stand still while other times seem to fly by. Some times it heals wounds, while other times it brings tears, watching as it changes from seconds to hours, from days to years. I've watched as family members have given up and died. I've watched as they acted like they really ever tried. I've watched them be fake to each other and then be on each other's side Oh, so full of "family devotion and pride", Then to my face, eye to eye, they've lied. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. Be happy one second, the next you start to cry. Sometimes it's hard to focus, but no matter what I'll try. Even though I've learned that, unconditional love is most definitely a lie. I've sat there, being ignored till I almost died. I've sat there, in pain because they thought I lied. I've sat there, till it was almost too late, would they have even cried? Even though they showed me no love, for them I've always tried. I can't fix all the things I never knew were wrong. I had to learn to be nothing else but strong. So, I distanced myself from everyone and would not visit for long. I was always told, when you're eighteen you're on your own. Even if you're not ready, you have to find your own home. Didn't matter if it was with roommates or if you're alone. And that family would always be there, just have to pick up the phone. I didn't know that I was written off a long time ago. Even though, from my Family, I didn't beg, steal, or borrow. I thought the longer I stayed away meant the prouder they would be. I didn't know, all along, the things they were all saying about me. I'll admit, I did things I am not proud of. But then, I was going to have my own Son to Love. I thought that since I jumped to the responsibility That maybe they all would finally be proud of me. I should've known by now that that wasn't a possibility I should've known that that wasn't in their capacity. I didn't know that Love was measurable by attendance I thought, at the very least, it was shown by my performance. I got wrote off because of their ignorance I got wrote off because of their incompetence. Then I am left to suffer the consequence. I did my duty and served my penance. Will they pay for their malevolence Or lack of benevolence? Too long, I've stood in silence I can say with confidence That those who were bathed in the inheritance based on proximity consistence, Instead, it was more like indolence. They lacked independence. Yet they were shown tolerance And patience And acceptance Which led only to their debilitating social inadvertence. I was shown intolerance And impatience. They made me feel like I was an inconvenience That I lacked competence. So, you can possibly understand why I had persistence At putting between us some distance. I couldn't handle all their contradictions And crossed communications. When I needed reassurance And some self-confidence I was met with more imperfection, confrontation And complication So, I removed myself from the equation. I've always been on the defense. I don't know where I learned common sense. On my own I found temperance. Then, when the Great one passed away It hit me hard, the times I used to play With the Buttons. I wanted for nothing but I thought, these for sure But nothing was left, not even a picture. Eventually, the Worst one laid to rest The fault was from within his chest Did he go with any regrets? I thought I wouldn't care, because of all the hateful threats. It's funny how much everyone forgets. Some things change in the blink of an eye. Some things make us happy and some things make us cry. One second you're alive and the next you die. If I said I didn't care, that would be a lie. When the Best two passed away I didn't know what to say I thought that they knew Now they're gone with thoughts that were untrue. I was written off and someone saw it through. I didn't know Love was measured like in school If you miss a few days you're forever the fool. I've always known things can change in the blink of an eye They all died while believing a lie They all are gone, I don't get another try. They all passed away and I didn't get to say good-bye.