Blind Date

Blind Date I went on a blind date, to support my best mate Who assured me my girl would be awesome, But the girl he admired it later transpired, Said she'd only go out in a foursome. So with oodles of cheek, for best part of a week, He pleaded and bribed and cajoled 'Til I felt so worn out that I finally said yes, Though the thought of a date left me cold. But a man has to do what a man has to do And I threw myself into the task And purchased with glee, a packet of three Though I bought them whilst wearing a mask Then spent almost an hour after having a shower Deciding which shirt I should choose, For my new leather jacket, which had cost me a packet But it went really well with my shoes. My ensemble complete from my head to my feet When I zipped up a new pair of pants Then I splashed on 'Old Spice, which made me smell nice And walked out of my flat in a trance With the sun going down, met my pal in the town Stood there smoking and chuckling and waiting For the number 8 bus bringing females to us Those minutes were really frustrating In the distance we saw it, couldn't really ignore it The bus pulling in to the stop So with some apprehension and much nervous tension My heart did a flip.....then a flop For two lasses alighted and the first that I sighted Was smart and sublimely petite, The second was dressed in a khaki gilet With Doc Martin boots on her feet She was a big beefy lass and I know it sounds crass But big females aren't part of my game Big lasses are fine, some are good friends of mine But good friends and romance aren't the same But the worst of the news was the sight of tatoos, Which immediately stifled my chuckles, A big python snake writhing down her left arm 'Love' and 'Hate' tatoo-ed onto her knuckles And she noticed my plight, smiled through teeth pearly white As I lit up a *** with my 'zippo', And she followed my eyes to her big meaty thighs And an **** that belonged to a hippo. 'Relax man' she said, as she watched me turn red 'I'm here under protest like you' 'And from what I can see you're too skinny for me' 'So let's go hit the pub for a few' We stared for a while and then shared a smile Before wandering off to the pub Me and this lassie with the oversized chassis For a couple of drinks and some grub Now, how this tale ends, we ended up friends Elaine my new buddy and me And it taught me that I should never pre-judge You don't always get what you see.