Better Without

Better Without I try so hard Not to become my fathers son I try so hard To be a father sculpted by Michelangelo Painted by da Vinci Faced with failure Endless denial Self deception To deny the truth I am a father designed by an earless madman I question are they better without Trapped in a Divine Comedy Inferno is Alpha and Omega I wish there was a cure Sadness filled with madness Meds cannot take away A brain still in pain How do you apologize When the illness lets them down The more I write The clearer it becomes They may be better without They love the mania Hate the downs Flick the switch From mania to a ditch Turning from this to that They never know which dad I’ll be Denying them the comfort of stability Please don’t let them be better without What am I then? A cancer to my family They know I am sick They know daddy isn't the same Wishing he was someone else Transparent they see what’s inside They hate my illness Hating myself That shame and stain forever remains They now question are they better without Face-to-face with this question Like a coward I hide In denial My blanket of lies I am their painting of a father A father my son doesn't want to become The question has been answered They are better without By: Tim Lundmark