Believe

When I was younger i was taught to believe in god Now i wonder if i misunderstood, Whether it was all a mirage Baptized in holy water so the father could give a trial by fire Suicidal thoughts seek to conspire As we forget the angels and our demons consume us Earth encrusted shoulders, each day a little boulder And I want to be a believer But all i see is anger and shots of liquid amber I heard the preacher tell me that god loves us That we're like angels, simply wingless And i want to believe That there's someone out there But every prayer brings another Sandy Children in the school yard fall like confetti Like a bloody ticker-tape parade As his light simply tiger stripes the shade Never erases, simply highlights the Yosemite Sam sound effects that serenade A generation where white boards double a body armor And with every dead child i struggle to reconcile This love-hate relationship But i want to believe That the love outweighs the hate But we're screaming hello While he whispers goodbye Like we're that second page in another hopeless fairy tale Sprinkling bodies like Hansel's breadcrumbs As we search for that ginger bread house they told us was a church But we find only the pieces of us we left behind The parts that shattered on impact as we free fell Leaving us looking a little less beautiful than before And i want to believe But im stuck in this mortuary closet Filled with skeletons of my past life Sitting around trading war stories And i want to believe I look for god, but i never get pass the neon cathedral Sacramental whiskey sips and bartender confessionals Never used a chaser i was too afraid to chase the truth Mostly cause i was to scared of myself So i exchange fear for numbness as I use whiskey-scented band aid substitutes Trying to drown my demons but my terrors taught them to swim I just want to believe But first i want to believe in me