Before and During Addiction and Into Recovery

Growing up as child Is all that's on my mind. Wishing it was kind And not who Im defined. I used to run around, just wanting to be found That's why I was so loud An the class in clown Hoping that one day, I'd make my family proud. Then I started smoking weed And I thought...that's what I need It made me feel so high, like I could in fly, but then I got abused, and felt like I was used. I was no longer high, I just wanted to in die I used to cause trying hard just to fit, my whole life had changed and was filled with loads of rage, trying hard to engage, An wishing I could just rip out, that mother in page, I started wearing masks just to hide all the shame, I didn't feel the same, Now, All I could feel was pain. I started using coke an then my life became a joke. I hurt so many people and I didn't give a , I really couldn't help this and I started to be selfish, how am I, to put all my loved ones through this. I've spent grands feeding my habbit, an was always in debt. An All I had to show for it-was guilt an regret, I had lost all respect. And had never been my best. my whole life was just filled with test after test. So I had to reach out, and admit I needed help. So I got in touch with Rehab full of fear and shame inside Walking through the gates was mentally hard, an yeah, I cried, but I knew that I could do it , if I just tried. It wasn't what i thought, and everyone was kind, it was then that i had hope, "Maybe I could" get off the coke and the dope. It's been tough in rehab, sorting all the in my mind, I'm never gonna use again, and now I'm bursting with pride. An Now that I am clean, the pains begun to subside. I made a deal to get real, and say just how I feel. Now 19 months on, an my pains almost gone, Now there's a light, that's now turned on. Every day I'm cleaner it only gets brighter, which helps my mental health , an anxiety feel much lighter, Even tho I'm moving on, I always have to remember, keep coming to meetings and keep speaking about my feelings, carry the message and stay honest and humble. Keep God in my life and pray each day and always remember where I came from, otherwise, my recovery will be for nothing, and, An it'll All be gone.