Bake Off Off

It’s the Great British Bake Off And I’ve got to week six But I think it’s all over since They’ve dissed my bread mix. They said it was rubbish When I baked my plum duff And Mary said my cake Was sandy, coarse and rough. There’s a slinky little blonde Who’s giving Paul the eye And I think it must be working Cos she’s more than getting by. Her bagels were quite dodgy Her bottom soggy and wet Yet he said they were delicious Definitely teacher’s pet They’re going to push me out Deep down this I know But I’ll take the b’s with me If and when I go I’ve planned my revenge With my Kamikaze pudding dish With TNT and dynamite And petrol, just a splish. I’ve made my own shrapnel With glass and tacks and nails To ensure there’s a back up If my pudding mixture fails, So, when they tell me that It’s time that I went I’ll push the detonator And blow up the bloody tent. There’ll be weeping and wailing And lots and lots of tears But that’s one Bake off episode They’ll not forget for years. I’m the Kamikaze chef Divine Wind of the Aga Range Apres Moi le deluge After me things will change