Awakening

For the past thirty seven years, living for me was knowing that I do not know I have been yearning for what I do not have a name for The knowledge of the presence of this nameless, voiceless feeling, prompted me to the tenth month of 2015 AD This feeling without a footprint or face haunted me Unknowingly, it remained hidden for much too long Life became the embracement of the nameless things I yearn for and was sure to never find Hiding behind a mask, an unwilling traveler to more despair Smothering my humanness, unable to acknowledge or recognize the smoldering spark deep inside I was living life; neither dead, nor alive Born without a name, my christening name inspired by the apartment I was conceived in Something I was called upon when my mother was cross Being nameless, I felt I didn’t belong in this world, had no right or purpose to be here Mostly I hated myself, but wanted other people to love me But somehow through all this turmoil, I found my voice A voice separating me from a life I once thought was mine without questioning it Inside, my heart was beating, inhaling and exhaling, but that was merely being alive, nothing more, nothing less I was struggling to breathe, daily life slowly draining all inspiration from my being My eyes became dull, my senses oblivious to the scents and smells of life around me Then fate intervened and my life changed course My fingers clawed at my mask, tugging in anticipation and excitement to remove it from my face My soul shouting to escape, urging me on to find freedom Unsure I took my first cautious steps towards an unclear perception of future Driven by instinct, want, need and desire for the unknown, but hoping to recognize this faceless urge in the safety of a harbor I treaded with more certainty, passion and need to find myself, to be freed from this chains that has kept me bound to heartache, hurt and sadness An unquenchable feeling that I finally had enough strength and courage to remove this mask I have hidden behind my whole life I was ready to explore who I was to be, to evolve into what the universe had lain on my newly found path This adventure on my doorstep, ready to experience the wonderful lightness of being Suddenly a new world dawned on me when my hand was enveloped by yours You allowed me to see sights seen by your eyes, heard sounds through your ears My senses tantalized by invigorating smells, awakened through the coming together of our senses You reached out to me with caring words, kindness I’ve been hungry to hear An embrace to break down the walls of isolation, I created as protection My loneliness caressed away by a soft touch A sincerity that raised me up from the shadows beneath Sensual lips smiling and lively blue eyes that brightened every dark and moldy corner of my mind A kiss that could reach and elevate all nerve endings I buried All senses reawakened with enthusiasm and curiosity Light entered my irises, sounds reached my ears, smells crinkled my nose, and flavors tantalized my taste buds My feet treaded lightly as if soaring on clouds, unaware of the sea sand so soft between my toes My skin glowed, oblivious to the cold refreshment of the sea causing goosebumps Sea spray on my skin; the taste of salt on my lips; a fresh sea breeze in my hair My eyes could only see you, only wanted you Hearts beating fast, racing breaths, bodies aroused and wanting I wanted to be had by you, and I wanted to have you Nothing else mattered, but to be together for a while A weekend once wanted merely for carnal desires, became the weekend to break and dissolve my chains This maiden voyage, now the debut of my newly found freedom A French kiss to eclipse all others Moments of tenderness unfolding as I became weak to your touch Fingers and lips exploring our bodies, the sweet taste of sea salt, champagne and passion Your guidance gave me courage to explore Intimacy unparalleled to previous experiences Naked bodies bearing all, our bodies entwined as you pushed into me A discovery of ecstatic feelings of awakening sexuality You opened a new world for me through your vision You fulfilled my longing, brought my desires and dreams to life Your experience, knowledge, expertize stimulated my mind A willingness to share mind and body with me Your being awakening and stirring my zest for life Tickling my creativity, inspiring to explore beyond borders Someone as extraordinary, made me feel deserving of love again You brought hope, fulfillment and clarity How can I ever repay, you came and gave me so much Energy filled my body, creativity my mind You believe in me, that who I was, really matters A belief that we could indeed all be what we allow ourselves to possibly be Our moment in time together was but a fraction of a second in the completion of our life’s journey Only a thought in the greater scheme, like a shooting star You came, you fulfilled our desires and you went, as if all was but a wonderful dream No judgement for my awakening feelings It’s beyond my control, how could I possibly experience none Allow me to wonder through the journey of my awakening senses