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Below is the poem entitled ART OF CONSTIPATION which was written by poet nette onclaud. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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On our first serious date; he grew excited
and I was primed to knock my guy off his feet.
Spending hours on the right dress, all horrid
Till a feathery wardrobe popped from the closet.

Yes! This dress will hit the roof…top-rated;
lined with plumes from neck down mid-thighs.
Upstairs, my mood claimed I must stay decorated
trying latest trends in beauty makeover,
armed with lipsticks, false lashes and gloss shaded.

The long wait made him quite frustrated
so, Mom served cream pie to ease the tension.
Forcing him to nap while I polish a vogue look,
never wore make-up, now I was fully painted.

I stepped down with new face truly elated
he woke up from my “hello”, and trembled.
Gee, I knew the male Richter scale zoomed 8!
Flaunting my hairdo, thick with mousse… inflated.

“I’m sorry, Ted, for being late, you really waited.”
He froze. He croaked, as if he saw an ostrich,
Squeezing his arm to ensure our date well handled!
“But, I can’t go, the burps; errr..the pie,” he cited.
“My tummy‘s acting up; I’m constipated!”

Vienna's Smile , You're In Candid Camera
by nette onclaud

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  1. Date: 12/3/2012 8:17:00 AM
    Congratulations on your win in this "Candid Camera" contest Nette. I am sorry it is late. Love, Carol

  1. Date: 12/1/2012 5:34:00 AM
    My hearty congratulations on your grand win my dear friend, Nette! I enjoyed reading your winning piece. love always, Leonora

  1. Date: 11/29/2012 8:56:00 PM
    Nette, congrats with your awesome poem ..always~ PD

  1. Date: 11/29/2012 1:45:00 PM
    Oh No!... LOL

  1. Date: 11/29/2012 8:05:00 AM
    More funny every time I read it Nette!!

  1. Date: 11/29/2012 7:02:00 AM
    Who new there was an art to it. Congrats on win.

  1. Date: 11/29/2012 6:17:00 AM
    Golly...i hate when that happens!!!!! U went all out for this date, Nette. At least u could amuse the audiience with this vivid memory! Would enjoy seeing your gorgeous plumage!

  1. Date: 11/29/2012 5:06:00 AM make me laugh while reading your awesome poem. It's indeed a grand winner. Big Congratulations on your win friend Nette :) cheers!!!

  1. Date: 11/29/2012 4:53:00 AM
    Congratulations nette hope it's cleared now lol xx

  1. Date: 11/29/2012 4:28:00 AM
    well done Nette .....Seren

  1. Date: 11/12/2012 10:49:00 PM
    Hi, Nette! This is a very interesting poem to read.... keeps me smiling! I extremely love it! Good luck for a big win! love/hugs, Leonora

  1. Date: 11/12/2012 4:32:00 PM
    All smiles from this one. Lol. Hope your well Nette. Hugs Michael

  1. Date: 11/9/2012 2:41:00 PM
    Couldn't resist the title Nette and the contents were more than I bargained for. After all that prep, you got a dud, Better luck next time sweetie! Fun verse. Love, Lizzie

  1. Date: 11/9/2012 11:33:00 AM
    Hey hey Nette, today I am on P.S. looking, it is a long time since I've been here but now I'm here to read your poems, in the hope that you will read my latest poem, I liked your poem a lot I'm laughing! xoxo - Laila ;o)

  1. Date: 11/9/2012 10:33:00 AM
    Very interesting one when one's eyes try to concentrate on someone. Wonderful poem enjoyed. Thanks always, bl

  1. Date: 11/9/2012 8:28:00 AM
    I am not a pro on any form of poetry but...I know when I read a poem if I have enjoyed it. Now I have read yours and I have indeed enjoyed it Nette as always. I wish you a wonderful weekend and hope you find much inspiration to continue with your writing endeavors. Love, Carol

  1. Date: 11/8/2012 5:05:00 PM
    Was it prune pie? Terry (Funny poem, Nette)

  1. Date: 11/8/2012 1:58:00 PM
    Cute one ..Got a chuckle..I guess he had lactose intolerance..Thanks for stopping by...Sara

  1. Date: 11/8/2012 1:20:00 PM
    Ha ha ha, this is a very humorous write my friend! I am thoroughly delighted in reading this exemplary poem, a fantastic rendition of an awesome piece, a wondrous write! Your descriptiveness of your desires to look great and perfect for your first serious date is truly tremendous! Just to let you know I started my first class of my new Masters program and will not be on the Soup as much as I have been lately. I hate that, but it must be so. I will still be on though just not as much. Great Work!

  1. Date: 11/8/2012 1:08:00 PM
    Brilliant! Male richter it. A finely crafted piece laced with the right amount of humour. An epic win for funny poetry.