And Now For Something Completely Different

The sun rose in the west today – or, perhaps, I was standing on my head? I went to a funeral for my very best friend, but the chap wasn’t even dead! Said he wanted to be eulogized while drinking a pint of beer. I think the things we said about him, weren’t exactly what he wanted to hear. “He was, or is, an egotistical old bastard – doesn’t surprise me in the least, that he wants to attend his own funeral service – God, what a horrible beast!” And that, my friends, was from his Mom; the best friend a boy ever had. “When finally they put his body in the ground, I think we’ll all be glad.” Egad! Global warming took a holiday, as the snow piled up real high; that bugger for whom we passed the plate, took out his wooden eye. The casket was full of cold cuts; The bartender doubled as the priest; I took another shot of tequila, while the sun started setting in the east. The ladies started undressing; my organ started to rise; I played Beethoven’s “Requiem”, with it pointing to the skies. The only tears that were shed today belonged to the corpse who was still alive – His ex wife sang that old Gloria Gaynor tune, “You know, I will survive!” The next time he throws a party for himself, I think he’ll choose a different theme – And maybe the people who come and get drunk won’t be so awfully mean!