And I Ramble

I didn't think I had time for a relationship but yet I yearn for a body every boring night. I want to be in love, I want to love, I want to be a romantic being sucking up every moment that I can. I want the thought of someone going through my mind all day. I want to be wanted by someone that I actually want. My thoughts are seeking beyond their control for I must give in to what it desires. That's the only sanity that I will find and I hope that it finds me soon for I am becoming a weakling of society ???? walking around with my head high and my chest out like I am the strong woman that I appear to be but somehow I am unconsciously but consciously lying to myself while I believe the truths that are make belief. My thoughts are telling me that i'm a strong but I am a weakling. Cognitive dissonance got me going crazy but I'll hold down my word as I sit in this corner and reach out my hand and watch every one look at me. They keep walking because they don't have money to give as if that's the only thing a hand could be asking for.No, I want you join me. Converse with me. Share with me your deepest intellect.I grow from conversational stimulation. I'm aroused by the flow of new words rolling from your tongue. Tell me Something that I've never heard before. Connect with me. I once told a crush that I was a very monotone individual. I once told a crush that while I may not speak one word my presence beats on the eardrums and retinas of those in a crowded room. I once told a crush that I needed someone to not only supplement me but someone who is going to complement me. hen That crush grabbed my hand and pulled me from the corner. As I began to boast because that crush told me 'well I'm pretty much the opposite' my thoughts made me hesitate. I too quickly became sedated as I faded into another world. I thought I wasn't ready for a relationship. I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm too busy for a relationship. So I said no.This crush turned into a drug....and sure enough I became addicted. And once again I'm sitting in the corner with my hand out. People walkin by cause they think they know what I need.No money. what one shoulda thrown me was a condom because I was mind ****ed hard and it was so damn good. This addiction oh how I should of said no. but now I'm here with a STD of the ****ing mind. I can't get rid of it. Shoulda said no. Now I'm here in the corner looking for a hand out. Somebody else to put their hand out. **** my mind one more time because intellectual sexual stimulation of the mind is the epitome of the relationship that I need. And if you have that then you complement me and I can compliment you.I can want you not only because you want me but because I love you and romance you because in the corner you grabbed my hand and knelt down on your knees.