An Unusual Colonoscopy

I stepped in for my first colonoscopy. I was nervous everyone could see I had a choice to be awake or put out if I was skittish...but no not me I chose the former so I could watch my own ass on TV They go right up your canal with a camera like an RV Imagine my surprise when up my butt they found my phone The tiny ones they use to make before the smart cell phone But here's the clincher it was set on vibrate. The doc was suspicious "My wife insisted" I told him "she bribed me with cake. It was delicious" Then the doctor red faced handed me something, said "what's this" I borrowed his bifocals. It was a rolled up playbill. He looked pissed. "I can explain. It's dated Sep. 8, 2001. That's my wife's 40th birthday We were drinking. We lost it, got a fancy room right after the play" He handed me one more thing, a broken pencil if you will "I'm a mathematician. I was constipated I took a special pill Then I used math to work it out with a pencil. This one I suppose It broke. I thought I got it all. I guess I didn't. I mean who knows?" The good news is the test went well my colon was clear They found nothing threatening just stuff that was ***** I must admit however ever since that very day I live in absolute fear That doctor knows my wife's father. I tell you this, in case I disappear 10/02/2014