An Orphan

I'm sorry I have my dad's tendency of disappearing, not-answering, not texting back. I was born with my moms fear of being attached. She lost her dad when she was a baby, she sees me losing mine, maybe that's why she hates me. She's lost, trying to find any man that'll be her new dad. But hey don't worry I'm right here following her path. Both of our dads left to go to a better place, though mine just went to another state. I feel like he died too because when he's around it's never the same. When he comes to "see me" all I see is how he changed. He comes for a few days, but when he comes and picks up a bottle till he fades away. I want to tell him but I never know what to say. I remember that summer of second grade when my mother let my step father beat me for misbehaving in summer school. He left bruises on my arms, thighs too. I remember sitting in my room on the floor wondering why she would let him do this to me. I remember that hopeless feeling that I felt and screaming "mom" every time he swung the belt. I now realize why my mom can't love me, she can't love herself. Let me take a minute to talk about my ex, my friends wondering why I was so upset, I'm talking about the day he left, when my trust was swept, and lust began.