An Interview With a Sinner

The bar is tacky and unclean. The lighting early modern neon. dead insects litter glowing tubes. I found him in the corner nursing an empty glass. “Are you recording this?” “Yes.” “Good, very good” “Let’s get started then. Are you a bad person?” “I never took to sin much you know, I was easily led, no heavy stuff, minor infringements of most of the commandments, some adultery in mind and body I became a thief and a liar stealing affection with many an untruth, faking my identity until finally revealed by the forgery of my own sleight of hand. Most sins are boring and banal don’t you think? The pettiness of the human condition ensures many a ridiculous wrongdoing. Opportunities for veniality abound, and it would be a simpleton indeed that refused to experiment a little with the patience of the Lord. Pushing the envelope in such matters can be most instructive. “Would you say that this world is inherently a bad place?” I have never cottoned to the traditional idea of heaven, as described by religious literalists it must be terribly dull, nearer to hell really for a person such as myself. I tend to think of this world as a place for adolescents to make all their mistakes and even experiment with ‘sins’ before settling down somewhere else, rather like the Amish practice of ‘Rumspringa’ This world may be the best place to ‘cut loose’ and go rogue in. My thoughts have been far more sinful than my actions. I have killed but not murdered, of course that’s not entirely true. I have upset many I have loved. My demons are chained and tortured regularly, eventually I set them free where they become words etched into passing clouds. I am forced to believe in evil; thus I am a man of faith. The thought of destroying someone who has hurt us can lead to demonic possession by the thought alone. I have never missed an opportunity to self-medicate.” “Were you ever contrite - sorry for your sins.” “Yes many times, but I was always busy avoiding societies ‘norms’ while outwardly living them. Life would be unbearable if we could not pervert a moral or two. The effort to keep a secret hidden under a surface persona, to create a treasure, and bury it so deep that only you are the key that can open it, that takes a certain guile and effort. Then to nourish and objectify it with a lifetime of hidden desire, that in its self requires dedication and a certain inward attention that leaves not much room for penance. Not that I do not repent on occasions, but I have a God-given capacity to forgive myself. This can be very annoying to those that still hold a grudge against me, and I must confess to taking a devilish delight in that. Repentance is a cleansing exercise, whether a high-power is involved I know not, nor do I really care. I am selfish in this respect, as long as the result is an easier heart then I am well pleased. “Have you ever done anything unforgivable?” “No, I am thoroughly redeemable in my own eyes and the opinions of others bother me not at all. Of course it helps to be a sociopathic recluse. “You sound like a hypocrite if you don’t mind me saying so. Yes a hypocrite, but a bad one in actual practice. You see I always gave folks the benefit of the doubt - perhaps 'they know not what they do'? While me, I knew my sins for what they were and are, simply infractions that could be, in the right context, the broader view, be overlooked. I have put everything down in my own words and stand condemned by them, yet I have mercy for all my trespasses, a great forgiveness and an abiding mercy for all who at times, sleep at the wheel, veering this way and that. “Thank you.” I think I have heard enough. ‘No, thank you, and I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a pint of beer today.” “Sorry, I have to remove myself from your presence.” “I Understand.” ~~~~~