After the Party

After the party there is a sense of lonesomeness that even a constantly distracted soul like me cannot escape. It finally hits me that really I am not okay, that life is not my favorite thing in the world despite the amount of times that I cheer on and laugh and giggle at every party, all of the pretense after the party do not matter because it is at these times when I am alone, when I am left to be faced with my demons, all by myself. If there is anything I have realized it is that it is after the party when we have to be absolutely real with ourselves, where it doesn’t matter who and what say, when we are left alone to be absolutely honest with ourselves. It is during these times that I realize that a lot of who I am during the day is based on what I believe I have to be; The person that can make every other person laugh and be happy; How do I do it? How do I go through each day with a smile on my face and a constant biting of my tongue so that I am sure that none of the people that know my smile ever see my frown, or even see the tears that are no longer going down my face but are inside my heart,bleeding,crying,hoping and wanting for my life to be the same way that it is when I am at all of these parties,absolutely happy and care free. How? It’s very simple, I pretend that I am somewhere else and I pretend that I am someone else But all of the pretenses can only last for the night, because in the morning when I wake up, there is nobody to fake a smile for, there is absolutely no reason for me to pretend any longer. You ask yourself, when do we know when the people around us are being real, when do we truly know what happens to the people that were drunk on wine, excitement and had a smile on their faces during the fun exiting parties the following morning Do they carry the exact same smile to their homes,few people do,we are far too consumed by the sense of excitement and the desperate need to not be the one that makes every other person feel like they could never be happy elsewhere that we let go of our problems for the few minutes or hours that we can; eventually we become sober, the crowd goes back to their lives, and so do we and when we are alone we realize that we are not as happy as we appear to be when we are with he crowd, and none of the people that we were happy with last night are there to face reality with us the following morning, or to wipe the tears that are in places that cannot be seen through the naked eye the following morning