Afraid of It

At first glance, you would never know you were inside a prison. See the perfectly lined books on his ikea book shelf? That old wooden desk in the corner is almost too neatly arranged. The Apple computer screen with the glowing picture of an exotic beach. He's imagined himself walking on that beach, but he knows he never will. He can't possibly go there, it would be too far away from this place. This is the only place he feels safe, just out of the reach of "it" He's not quite sure what "it" is, but he's pretty sure "it's" bad. So he goes to work, works hard, so he can keep "here", his place, this place, this close far away place, this protective space! The more time he spends "here" the harder it seems to be able to leave. It's strange the things people come to believe. I've tried to find a way, I wish there was a way, a possibility that I could retrieve, this friend who lives in a way I can hardly conceive. I moved away a long time ago and his place has barely changed, maybe a few things rearranged. It's the sameness that feels so strange. I ask him if he is okay? He looks uncomfortable in a way, not really sure what to say. Missing the time when we'd do things I'd get him out to play. That was a time he was a little less afraid When I was able to persuade, but being away I've lost that power! So he stays here hour after hour, the voices in his head, louder and louder. Sometimes days and days without a shower. He relates to the world through his computer screen Beyond prying eyes, he doesn't want to be seen. He travels everywhere but he's never been! A four walled prison has been his only scene. So in his room with flickering candles, eating popcorn from a bowl with handles, he imagines walking a beach with a pretty girl wearing sandals. Thousands of thoughts he holds so dear, yet not a single one will pry him away from here! Fear is the only voice that he can hear. A mind fully imprisoned, locked in a tear. Today like tomorrow and yesteryear!