Addictive

I was so young I was a middle schooler. I shouldn't have been depressed in 6th grade. I shouldn't have wanted to die by 7th grade. I shouldn't have tried in 8th grade. I should've been genuinely happy. I should've been genuinely smiling. But this simple addiction destroys everything. My friends have me on watch. They have little things to punish me If they find out It's not helping me It's just hurting me They don't understand. I hate myself to the point I contemplate my self worth Every night until the sun rises. Then I sleep all day I don't want to deal with another day. They don't get it. No one does. No one will. Some say self harm isn't anything. They don't believe it's an addiction. It just happened to come hand in hand With my depression As my coping mechanism. They think it's just because I'm sad Upset Lonely. Those just make it easier to do Excuses. I have become numb to the pain. Numb to the tearing As the band aids get ripped off. I am just a bomb Doomed to explode.