Addict Full of Hatred

Just a lonely depressed, emotional, lost girl who doesn't know what to do. I'm confused but I'm kinda happy guess it depended on if I was dope sick.. I didn't start using big stuff as in oxycotin Roxy's until I was 19-20 years old I just started out snorting then it got to the point I couldn't feel them that way anymore. I was then introduced to heroin af first I was like this is nothing then I done more atleast a half gram I loved it.. My addiction kept getting worse!! Before I knew it I was stealing from my parents and grandpa and in all honesty I didn't have to steal they would have just given me the money.. Once I turned 22 my life changed I was not the same person I once was, that was very hard and difficult because my niece and nephew's looked up to me we done everything together until my parents found out I was shooting up heroin they never thought that their babygirl would ever do that!! I was shocked also. But after a few months I got really bad off I would rob and steal from people mainly family. I was doing atleast 2 grams of heroin every four or five hours. It made me feel awesome, amazing every time I would do a shot all my pain physically and emotionally would go away it was like nothing else mattered!! I could enjoy my day/night with my family mainly nieces and nephews til one morning I woke up with the worse body cramps,vomiting, pooping all over the place voices in my head the devil wanted me. I was slowly killing myself I was ready to give up. I begged cried everything for someone to help me.. Ii just wanted to live my life without drugs but that was my escape from everything. When me n my sister was younger we was molested once we grew up it haunted us,then right before my 18th bday I was raped by someone I had a previous relationship with when I was 14 took him to court the judge believed him over me and I had prove!! I just didn't know what i done so wrong to deserve everything. I had a lot going on didnt know how to cope with it all so i agreed to go a treatment center to get help. Spent 3 weeks in there everything from my past haunting me, couldn't sleep eat or anything finally after a week and half of treatments i was sent home with medicine to help me but I was still physically, emotionally not there but I was clean n sober for the time being.. Life isn't easy.. This is a life of an addict, surviver