abysSal dreadfulnesS

I don’t feel good at this I’m feeling so hopeless I need some happiness I’m feeling dread instead I’ve been consuming sorrowful bread I’ve been feeling rather dead I want to repent of being sinful I want to repent of being resentful I want to make this ugly beautiful It’s difficult to explain It’s easy to complain When you drive in my lane I need Your merciful spirit I admit I need a better outlet I want to have so much wit I just want happiness I want to get out of this mess Of hopelessness and helplessness Negativity leads me to the distress labyrinth I’m trusting you to express myself with Living this fantasy and myth I’m grateful and thankful within You gave me breath again Through thick and thin…thin…thin… I want to repent of being sinful I want to repent of being resentful I want to make this ugly beautiful It’s difficult to explain It’s easy to complain When you drive in my lane I need Your merciful spirit I admit I need a better outlet I want to have so much wit I just want happiness I want to get out of this mess Of hopelessness and helplessness I want to repent of being sinful I want to repent of being resentful I want to make this ugly beautiful It’s difficult to explain It’s easy to complain When you drive in my lane I need Your merciful spirit I admit I need a better outlet I want to have so much wit I just want happiness I want to get out of this mess Of hopelessness and helplessness It’s easier said than done This war has not been won Since you’ve been gone, I’ve been a dusk without its dawn I’ve been a bewildered, orphan fawn In the forests of the dying, drying sun I want to repent of being sinful I want to repent of being resentful I want to make this ugly beautiful It’s difficult to explain It’s easy to complain When you drive in my lane I need Your merciful spirit I admit I need a better outlet I want to have so much wit I just want happiness I want to get out of this mess Of hopelessness and helplessness There’s a lot of tension in my brain There’s apprehension and I, in vain, Give in to the temptation, insane train If only there was a cure to this suicidal ideations If only there’s a way to show You my future visions My ambitions, my goals and my strengths — waking up on needles and pins Walking on pins and needles I have been crushing hatred beatles Below my feet, beneath the surface of black holes I want to repent of being sinful I want to repent of being resentful I want to make this ugly beautiful I want to repent of being sinful I want to repent of being resentful I want to make this ugly beautiful I want to change and I have somewhat changed This rather estranged Feeling inside my deranged… Mindset… So upset… With regret… I want to repent of being sinful I want to repent of being resentful I want to make this ugly beautiful I want to repent of being sinful I want to repent of being resentful I want to make this ugly beautiful I hope and dream For higher self-esteem I’m seeking the light beam Amongst the gleam of nightfall I’m afraid and frightened to fall My heart is pounding in appall Hear me as I call, oh Lord of Accord Thank You for saving me with Your sword I can’t afford these sins…that sows discord I hoard these feelings of doubt I need to walk Your narrow route I just want happiness I want to get out of this mess Of hopelessness and helplessness I don’t feel good at this So might as well dismiss This loneliness more or less I just want happiness I want to get out of this mess Of hopelessness and helplessness I don’t feel good at this, So might as well kiss The abyssal dreadfulness Don’t reject me Don’t resent me I just want to let go… If you’d just let me grow Aside from the abyssal dreadfulness Just know that you’re not alone On this road of all-alone, on your own I can see it in your unstoppable eyes That you see me through this pain and the lies Aside from the abyssal dreadfulness I love you, this is true, I do But, I can’t stop this mind train If only you knew, you hadn’t a clue… What I have been through in vain… Aside from the abyssal dreadfulness Why am I so emotionally unstable? When will I endure remarkable insecurities? (I’m doing as I’m able…) Why are you extremely unavailable? Where is an everlasting cure for my anxieties? (Felt trapped in my disease) You will be at ease… Rely on Him please… I’m feeling so hopeless I’m truly a hideous mess I don’t feel good at this, dreading this I’m feeling my way out of this abyss… Remember to not doubt When we walk this route Of hopefulness, (prayed away the darksome hopelessness) Aside from the abyss (that ensnared me with this squalid distress)