A Winter Walk

I needed some time, some space to think And it was either take a walk or drink And since I knew drinking would solve nothing I put on my shoes and I started walking The wind blew the chilly air Through my unkempt locks of hair, But I hardly felt the biting cold, Walking with memories warm in my soul The street was dark, cold and silent It was funny the places where my mind went While I slowly walked across the blacktop road No destination in mind where I would go It's funny the things you will remember I recall a day in mid-December And how suddenly, nothing seemed the same After that man at the door called my name I followed him into a secluded office Where he would tell me his diagnosis And suddenly I felt my beating heart But the rest of the world had just stopped I felt a hand in mine get tighter I don't think the room could have been quieter I shook my head in total disbelief Too numb to feel anything, even grief The question asked, "What does this mean?" But the answer didn't mean anything My head too fuzzy, my thoughts too jumbled I turned to my love to speak, but mumbled I don't remember what else he said Because of the swirling thoughts in my head It took three days before I could even think Which led me to tonight: walk or drink So I walked and I thought and I truly remembered Dreams of the past, love treasured forever Friendship and laughter, sorrow and pain As though I was reliving my life over again Little things that I'd sorely taken for granted Things that didn't happen the way that I planned it Promises made and ones that were broken Love that was shared, love still unspoken The frosty air filled me with a sense of renewal Inside my soul was fighting a duel The angel, the devil, both battling demons Inside of myself I fought to redeem them I don't know who won the ethereal battle And I'm not sure right now it even matters Where once I believed everything for a reason I'm finding that harder and harder to believe in