A Tall Tale

I must say Peter, I've had the most extraordinary day. It all started when I woke up this morning. I was brushing my teeth with this new toothpaste Pepsibrite and literally after just a few minutes, I was amazed at how white my teeth became. Never before have I had such a brilliant smile. When I went to my closet to get dressed my favourite jeans and T-shirt were laid out for me, which surprised me, because I didn't have time to do the laundry yesterday. They were pressed and had a spring like scent that made me feel refreshed. I went down to breakfast and ate twelve eggs two bowls of cereal and a plate of sliced watermelon. Much to my surprise I didn't even feel full. Perhaps because of all the energy from the food I proceeded to make love to my wife fourteen times. Her screams of pleasure caused all of the crystal in our chandelier to shatter into tiny pieces, it was like diamonds raining from the ceiling. I can honestly say that it was the best ten minutes of my life. I then had a luxurious shower and got dressed again to continue on with my day. Now all this happened and it was only 8am. I went to my garage and found my fishing gear and loaded it into the back of my old Jeep. I backed out of my drive way and then as I was moving forward some guy in a Bentley slammed into the back of me. At first I was upset until a chauffeur opened the back door of the Limo, Bill Gates stepped out of the car and apologized for the accident. He said "let me make it right." So I grabbed my fishing gear and put it in the back of his car. Bill's chauffeur drove us down to the local Mercedes Dealer and Bill said I could have any vehicle I wanted. There in the showroom was sitting a beautiful pearl white G Wagon. Now I can tell you, never in a million years would I ever be able to afford such a vehicle. He told me not to worry and literally handed the dealer a check for $167,000.00. Bill said he had to be going so he left me to the rest of my day. I was so excited that I called my wife to tell her the good news. The receptionist said she was off site for the day and that she could not be reached. So I thought "I might as well go fishing." I drove my new SUV down to Turtle Bay and on the way I must admit I was going quite a bit over the speed limit. I was stopped by a police officer who was running a speed trap. When she came to my window I apologized and told her about being excited about my good fortune. Much to my surprise she let me off with a warning. I was wondering to myself if it might have been the result of my Pepsibrite smile. I thanked her and drove away at a much more reasonable pace. A few minutes later I arrived at Turtle Bay and unloaded my fishing gear from the back of my G Wagon. I carried everything and placed it in my boat. Now my boat is a good boat but it's always been a bit finicky to start. Today however I turned the key and vroom it started right away. After untethering it from the dock I put it in gear and headed out on the lake. Now I must say I've never seen the lake more glass like. I drove the boat at a snail like pace in order not to spoil the effect. The sky was a spectacular blue and the sun was unobstructed, still the temperature was very comfortable. After about a half hour I arrived at my special fishing spot and put a line into the water. Within seconds I was catching fish left and right. Before long my boat was half full with fish. Suddenly the waves started coming up and before long my boat started taking on water. I have to tell you Peter I was pretty scared! I couldn't believe how dark the sky had become. It looked more like night then day. I felt something hard crash against the side of the boat and before I knew it I was capsized. People have told me about Ogo Pogo but I would never have believed it If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. I thought for sure the Serpent would eat me but he picked me up gently and dropped me safely on the shore. I started hiking to make my way to the road so I could get back to Turtle Bay. In order to make it back I had to climb up and over twenty-two embankments as well as cross over forty five streams to get back safely. This was very difficult because I was wearing just sandals and had no special equipment to aid in my task. Through sheer will power and determination I made it back. When I got back to my vehicle I was surprise that my key still worked despite having been emerged in water. I was super hungry from my ordeal, so I went to McDonald's and ordered Chicken McNuggets. As I was eating one of them it got stuck in my throat, within a few minutes I turned several shades of blue and then I died. I guess that's how I ended up here at the Pearly Gates with you Saint Peter. I must say it has been a truly extraordinary day! The End. Ogo Pogo is the cousin of the Loch Ness Monster from Scotland and is reported to live in our Lake Okanagan. I hope you enjoy my tall tale! For Jesse Day's Tell a Tall Tale Poetry Contest.