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A Souls Paradise

As the flame, on the candle fades away. The darkness starts to engulf my vision. I close my eyes, and thoughts of God allay. I envision the fields of Elysian. Picturing, a beautiful bright green glade. And, a lake filled with the bluest water. Where peace, flows from the breathtaking cascade. A blessed paradise, need no alter. A home, for our souls to relax in peace Where all the hatred and stress will then cease. While the afterlife roams, joyous all day. If I make it there, I will pray to stay. I drift off with these thoughts in an array. As the flame, on the candle fades away. 5/16/2017

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White Wolf

Date: 7/3/2017 2:48:00 AM

This is wonderful, Jeremy! What Darren is talking about just makes it so much harder to achieve though! Master the syllable count first, then later down the track the iambic pentameter shall come

Jeremy Smith
Date: 7/3/2017 2:51:00 AM

Thanks, White Wolf :) And I strive for that as well!!

Darren White

Date: 5/17/2017 2:52:00 AM

Beautiful sonnet, with great imagery! I can see it all before my eyes and I love it. I know you like comments, so here we go: I love it how you consistently use 10 syllables per line. My friend White Wolf will totally agree with you. You also know that I myself am more a meter/rhythm/cadence junkie, so I would absolutely put more emphasis on that. Because it makes your lines flow.... But it is a personal choice, and you are most certainly not alone in your choice here :)