A Small Stain of Blood

an early morning rise, up the stairs walk into the bathroom in the sink a small stain of blood. less than a measure of yesterday pulling a baby out of the womb into my arms. on the sheets a small stain of blood. midwives wrap my first born snug and warm. when her mother finally gets her initial fill she hands me this precious new life. i hold her knowing there is nothing, nothing!, nothing... nothing., nothing- better then this moment!, sweet scented perfection!, lulls me into a peaceful bliss. as she grows, i spend my best times with her and later her sister too. my daughters own me lock, stock and barrel. Ali? i still see your baby green eyes reaching out to me. i still smell your childhood scent. i can still taste your hopes and dreams. i can still touch your youth as if it were now, hear your tiny voice "daddy i love you but you're my best friend too". there is nothing, nothing!, nothing... nothing., nothing- better then this moment!, you're now twenty two. in the sink? a small stain of blood. in your bedroom cocaine, syringes, ...everywhere. i clean carefully picking them up. i know you know you're playing russian roulette with your life. the drug convinced you your life isn't worth living. that's what drugs do. they're that snake in the garden of eden and you know eve ate that apple and you know she sacrificed everything for a fruit that would never taste that good again. evil always presents itself as the only choice while good seems too tough an alternative but the truth is, the harder you have to work for it the better it feels and it holds its feel with nothing to chase. you can't hear me the monster deeply imbedded in you. but Ali i love you and Ali my heart weeps and on my chest sits a small stain of blood! June 3 2015 Armand