A Slighty Cynical Christmas

A Slightly Cynical Christmas The day before Christmas, My head’s in a whirl, Trompsing through malls With a two-year-old girl. Rudolph and Frosty Are far from my mind It’s some weird talking Elmo S’Got me standing in line. The crappy store speakers Playing “Joy to the World” Heck, I’ll just be happy If my Visa’s still good. Mistletoe hanging On doors here and there But if someone dare kiss me He gets decked “you know where!” The cashier’s dressed like Santa With a hat and a beard Both me and my daughter get Creeped out ‘cause its weird. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no Grinch, I’m no Scrooge But all this good cheer’s Got me reaching for booze. My gifts are now bought And we head for the car Visions of Egg Nog, Perhaps a stop at a Bar? We dash through the snow And laugh all the way The joy of the season Momentarily got in my way. We get into the car And of course it won’t start And there is a funny, weird smell I think its elf farts. So a quick text to Santa And his eight tiny reindeer. And next thing I know, We’re high in the air. And I waved to the mall As we rode out of sight And I thought to myself It might be a good night MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE