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A Sad Attempt

Wander and meet in wicked wind They cut their teeth on broken nails Walk across golden pond in sin Trail of tears on glacial lake pales In comparison to his frozen heart The heart of the damned chained forever The heart of the damned pained forever Pains me to think of them outstretched Those arms of love, those arms Brought me to believe far fetched Dreams of love did some harm Bleak shores broke on the edge The heart of the damned chained forever The heart of the damned stained forever Surely you have heard his tale traveler In your heart you knew it was true Blue crystals of iced saline unravel In a pool all that was left of Hue His grave beside hers long overdue The heart of the damned chained forever The heart of the damned pained forever The heart of the damned ___________________________ *This is a work in progress and is not the final version of this poem, I SUCK..... AGAIN!

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Summer Uchacz

Date: 10/22/2011 7:46:00 PM

Amazing write! you have magnificent talent. Keep writing :)

Tim B
Date: 10/22/2011 8:05:00 PM

Thanks, have made a few adjustments to this poem and will still make a few more eventually when time is not as of the essence.

Nette Onclaud

Date: 10/13/2011 12:17:00 PM

ohh, ohh... the searing feel of this is amazing, tim.. i have a different version being drafted ( in terms of structure)... so many variations, but this stands out .. spotlight! :) huggs!

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

Date: 10/13/2011 11:09:00 AM

wow Tim this is so intense with feeling and emotion of the passion of the beloved.. amazing projection of pain and suffering .. will definitely want to read finished product luv..let me know when completed.. dynamic..

Charles Henderson

Date: 10/12/2011 7:15:00 PM

Tim---A very nice poem here. Please check the form and the meter. I would say is free verse. Very nice free verse. Keep it up, but do a little research too. Lines one and two in second stanza are the form and meter for ballad 8/6/8/6 un st/un st/un st/un st Iamic tetrameter un st/un st/un st iambic trimeter Chas

Tim B
Date: 10/12/2011 8:38:00 PM

I kinda threw this one out there, I have never been comfortable writing with meter and especially not anything that resembles a song form. I know I should have researched a bit more, but hands on is the best way to learn, thanks for the info.

John Smith

Date: 10/12/2011 7:10:00 PM

The Viet Nam war damned many American military hearts. This powerful, gut wrenching write tells it well.