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A Sad Attempt

Tim B Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled A Sad Attempt which was written by poet Tim B. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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A Sad Attempt

Wander and meet in wicked wind
They cut their teeth on broken nails
Walk across golden pond in sin
Trail of tears on glacial lake pales
In comparison to his frozen heart 

The heart of the damned chained forever
The heart of the damned pained forever

Pains me to think of them outstretched
Those arms of love, those arms
Brought me to believe far fetched
Dreams of love did some harm
Bleak shores broke on the edge

The heart of the damned chained forever
The heart of the damned stained forever

Surely you have heard his tale traveler
In your heart you knew it was true
Blue crystals of iced saline unravel
In a pool all that was left of Hue
His grave beside hers long overdue

The heart of the damned chained forever
The heart of the damned pained forever
The heart of the damned


*This is a work in progress and is not the final version of this poem, I SUCK..... AGAIN! 

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  1. Date: 10/22/2011 7:46:00 PM
    Amazing write! you have magnificent talent. Keep writing :)

    B Avatar Tim B
    Date: 10/22/2011 8:05:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, have made a few adjustments to this poem and will still make a few more eventually when time is not as of the essence.
  1. Date: 10/13/2011 12:17:00 PM
    ohh, ohh... the searing feel of this is amazing, tim.. i have a different version being drafted ( in terms of structure)... so many variations, but this stands out .. spotlight! :) huggs!

  1. Date: 10/13/2011 11:09:00 AM
    wow Tim this is so intense with feeling and emotion of the passion of the beloved.. amazing projection of pain and suffering .. will definitely want to read finished product luv..let me know when completed.. dynamic..

  1. Date: 10/12/2011 7:15:00 PM
    Tim---A very nice poem here. Please check the form and the meter. I would say is free verse. Very nice free verse. Keep it up, but do a little research too. Lines one and two in second stanza are the form and meter for ballad 8/6/8/6 un st/un st/un st/un st Iamic tetrameter un st/un st/un st iambic trimeter Chas

    B Avatar Tim B
    Date: 10/12/2011 8:38:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I kinda threw this one out there, I have never been comfortable writing with meter and especially not anything that resembles a song form. I know I should have researched a bit more, but hands on is the best way to learn, thanks for the info.
  1. Date: 10/12/2011 7:10:00 PM
    The Viet Nam war damned many American military hearts. This powerful, gut wrenching write tells it well.