A Puppy's Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas The gifts were all wrapped When the smell, well...it hit me Our new puppy had crapped I knew I could smell it It was not just a fart The puppy had dropped one I awoke with a start I could hear a slight rustle As he went to his bed But, the smell made me nauseous And it turned my eyes red I could hear a slight jingle From the dog tags he wore It was then that I found it In the hall, by the door I had not put on slippers I had not hit the light I just hope I could see it Try as I might But, as puppy bombs go this was one for the ages It had started out loose And had grown in three stages My foot found it first And before I could halt It was between my toes And it wasn't his fault If I'd turned on the light I'd have seen it, no sweat But, now, I was hopping With a foot, brown and wet I was off to the bathroom Hopping mad, so to speak when from out of my bedroom I heard "What's that reek?" It was worse than it started Now, I'd helped it along It was me, now in trouble And somehow, that was wrong Down in the kitchen I could hear the dog snore While, I was still hopping On one foot by the door My wife, said "go shower" And clean up the rug I hopped to the bathroom And sat down, with a shrug It was the night before Christmas I should be out like a log But, this is my life Because I own a dog....