A Mother

A MOTHER I often sit and daydream and wonder what it would’ve been like to grow up with a mother’s love instead of fearing how hard she will bite. I wonder what a day would seem being small with a hurt little thumb to have a mother to kiss your pain away instead of being laughed at and told you’re dumb What would it feel like to come home from school to some homemade cookies or even a cake maybe a smile and a kind word instead of venom spit from a snake I’d seen other mothers act like they do with their kids on a regular day No screaming or yelling or smashing glass and those kids didn’t feel just in the way So soon I left home much too young with no real thought to life I just had to escape the nightmare there until maybe dad found a different wife. That day did come but not soon enough the damage had already been done the brain reacts and does what it knows in this situation no one has won I never knew security, love or trust it sounds sad but all wasn’t that bad I switched on my cruise control for most of my life and now there’s no memories to be had That’s my fee for taking the easy way out for not believing in the good too afraid and too damaged to take a step out and demand people treat me as I knew they should. January 2018