A Moment of Thinking

I must have slept to be able to wake My physical pains dissipate as I now shift to find comfort My heart sends trembles to my lips This is not an easy day Yesterday brought new frailty concerns, let me know I could have too much too soon and not just this drip drip drip of sorrow that has been wearing me away I look over my words and close my eyes, I wish I had nothing more to say I've always known that the flippant days where you can worry if you've chosen the right coat were a blessing, because days where getting wet and cold not mattering at all could come I close my eyes to watch a reel of some carefree moment Perhaps that person in my mind did have worries those days, I don't truly recall It's just that tiny sliver of space - just enough for something unimportant to seem to matter How carelessly we treat our spaces without worry, quickly filling them with interest in fashion or what strangers think There may be value then in today's grief Not unlike other lessons of perspective, but it is a painful way to re-evaluate life I once had a collection of things to say at funerals, genuine and heartfelt Today I feel there are no words of comfort I know this place, hopefully I can navigate without getting lost I'll find words, I take comfort in the time they had in knowing they used wisely and with love, reaffirmed what I knew already My heart sends tears to my eyes, all in slow motion because I'm hardly awake The repeating line jostling for space sings that this day will end but this day won't end I can't apportion sorrow neatly, allocate myself grief free years - how lucky I was thinking life worked like that My eyes blink slowly now, suggesting sleep can empty my mind again for a little while I'll do that, thank you sleep for your suggestion