A Letter Not Delivered

I don't think about you in everything I do like I used to. But a part of me still holds on one year later. With memory of glassy eyes on top of the parking garage I laid down in your lap, looking up and feeling the seatbelt dig into my back. I didn't care, because your hands were holding me and tears were melting down from your face meeting my messy hair. I felt it though. Digging further in. Bruising pressure. Imprinting in my skin. I ignored it as you asked me to stay. I ignored it as you told me things would change. I ignored it as you said you had never felt this way. I was ready in myself. I could've jumped that night and been at peace, And you were almost going to let me. But then you begged and pulled and pleaded, not wanting me to go. How selfish of you Acting as if you loved me Pretending and putting on this show I came back for you again History repeats itself, haven't you heard? ...I should have jumped that night. You were poison and By now By now I should have learned One month went by And we ended up at that same very spot Overlooking city lights You held my hand all the way to the edge My toes curled, gripping onto what balance I had left Now you say you're sorry But you told me I was safe Lies lap around your lips You're the one who pushed me to this grave. You try to apologize Swearing you're going to make things right But you can't take back the water That fell like glaciers from my eyes You can't take back the whispers All those talks late at night ...You can't take back those words That slithered from your tongue That tempted and persuaded Braided the rope from which I hung And you cannot take back those letters Because I set them all on fire I watched them go up in flames But darling, the words you wrote, They're still burning in my brain When I hear your name in passing At first my chest tightens up My face looks flushed And my palms get sweaty My stomach is in a knot And my heart gets heavy I don't know when I'll finally be able to go a day Without you crossing my mind I spend my life in the fires that burn but do not consume And even though you sent me through hell I hope you're getting through this better than I am... I hope you're doing well.