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A Helpless Predator In a Bar

His eyes stealthily sweep the room For women uncrowded by men or age. To temptations he’s secretly doomed, His desire rattles the bars of a cage. For women uncrowded by men or age He yearns in rapture-colored dreams. His desire rattles the bars of a cage, In him a mourner of lost youth screams. He yearns in rapture-colored dreams, Numbed by the routine of domestic bliss. In him a mourner of lost youth screams, His ears ringing with time’s taunting hiss. Numbed by the routine of domestic bliss, To temptations he’s secretly doomed. His ears ringing with time’s taunting hiss, His eyes stealthily sweep the room.

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Susan Ashley

Date: 10/7/2018 7:48:00 PM

Your pantoum is amazing, Bernard. It tells the sad story of a married but bored man on the prowl for a romantic side dish with stunning imagery:'His eyes stealthily sweep the room For women uncrowded by men or age.' - wow! what an emotional impact.. and true to pantoum form, the same line takes on a new hue in your 2nd stanza: 'For women uncrowded by men or age He yearns in rapture-colored dreams.' - just fantastic! Sensational poetry my friend.. Warmest wishes ~Susan

Bernard Chan
Date: 10/8/2018 5:13:00 AM

Susan, your lovely comment is much appreciated. This is my first stab at a pantoum and I'm glad you liked it, as I know you've done a few amazing pantoums of your own. Thank you so much!

Maureen Mcgreavy

Date: 10/7/2018 9:30:00 AM

Out of this world.

Bernard Chan
Date: 10/8/2018 5:08:00 AM

Maureen, thank you indeed.

Caren Krutsinger

Date: 10/7/2018 6:18:00 AM

I have no idea why it will not let me delete comment number one, so I can give you comment number two, now it is comment number three. I am okay with this.

Bernard Chan
Date: 10/8/2018 5:00:00 AM

One poem gets 3 comments from Caren. I must be doing something right :)))

Caren Krutsinger

Date: 10/7/2018 6:16:00 AM

I feel your pantoum should be the entry poem of a romance novel, Bernard. Wow! I am giantly impressed, and diving in for a second read. "for women uncrowded by men or age" is hilarious to me, but the rest of it seem really hot.

Bernard Chan
Date: 10/8/2018 5:02:00 AM

So glad you liked it :)

Caren Krutsinger

Date: 10/7/2018 6:16:00 AM

Bernard Chan
Date: 10/8/2018 5:00:00 AM

Maybe I'll try to write the romance novel myself too. Thank you so much, Caren! :)