A Hearfelt Apology

I know that my scars cause embarrassment for you My skin just doesn’t heal quickly from black and blue I’m sorry that my sweet cat causes you to wheeze And that when we went camping you caught lime disease And I just hate it that I lost my sanity By ducking so your fist would crush my vanity I’m sorry I bought you too many birthday gifts And that you felt compelled to toss them from the cliffs My cooking, as you say, will never win a prize Now with frozen dinners I’ll try to compromise I criticized your sister for trying to dress fancy With pretty clothes to hide her unwed pregnancy I promise to worship your saintly old uncle And I’ll try to ignore his ghastly carbuncle My contrition’s sincere for driving you to rage Remorseful I am that you broke my rib cage When the hospital staff called police to the scene You’d no choice but to stick a dagger in my spleen And now, poor husband, you are forced to care for me Because my battered body reflects your artistry Please take my apology, I’ll not report you The next time my faults cause your anger to ensue