A Feature Please

Almost five years to this day. One feature to speak of while others have tons what more can I say. I know my words arent exactly always nice. But life is a gamble so I always use loaded dice. Sure im a bit of a outlaw but im really a nice well sometimes alright guy. I can drop the jokes the wild nights and the whiskey well I think I can try. Hey I can write poems that are wholesome they'll be so sweet and boring. I'll make a thousand comments on peoples work never reading a single one i'll have everyone on the soup snoring. Yes just a simple feature like ya give most people for just farting on a page. I probaly seem bitter after five years im starting to show some age. I belive haileys comet is more visable than me . But that's okay dear soup at my pace i'll probaly get a feature again by the time im seventy three. Whats wrong with making people laugh beats making them fall asleep. If ya pay ya get a feature every other month really no secret to keep. But hey I'll be big about it as im crying begging on two bad knee's. Come on I'll be your best friend by ya a bottle of the best just give me a dam feature please.