A Bit of Humour To Kick Start the Week

FRED THE PERV. Kinky Fred stole knickers off the line One summer night his haul totalled nine His spree ended in tears Got an extra ten years When Judge Sue said that red pair were mine. LARS. A young astronaut from NASA called Lars Blasted off from Cape Kennedy to Mars But then there was a glitch When he pressed the wrong switch Last seen heading at warp speed to the stars. PETE. A young pianist from New York called Pete Could play William Tell using his feet But he fell of his chair And he started to swear Was booed off and thrown into the street. JOHNNY GABLE. A mean old waiter called Johnny Gable Saw a man choke to death on a bagel He then shifted his body To the side of the lobby Said forgive me but we need the table . O'TOOLE. A forgetful pilot Johnny O'Toole Was over the north sea flying to Bule Then both engines spluttered Under his breath muttered Looked at his gauge and screamed no ruddy fuel. OLD GANGSTER. An old gangster rose from rags to riches Got rid of all his traitors and snitches They'd find in their bed A racehorses head Or find themselves sleeping with the fishes. THE BAKER. An unwashed old baker from Idaho Had filthy fingers when kneeding the dough Folk choked on his paella Some died from salmonella Got closed down and ended up on skid row. O'KEEFE. A fella by the name of O'Keefe Was the long serving town's police chief Someone stole the mess cookies Everyone blamed the rookies But it turned out O'Keefe was the thief. AMOUROUS MICHAEL. Amourous young Michael from Mayo At a girls house he tried to stayo She started to shouto And then kicked him outo Said she" you're not staying no wayo." NIGERIAN POEM THIEF. A sly poem thief from Nigeria On the soup caused a mass hysteria He stole soupers work Soupers went beserk On the run now cos he's in fear of ya. Written 18th august 2019.