A Birthday Letter

_______ Well now this is sad and tragic For both of us to hear You and I at cross purposes Ever our fate, my Dear I just found your correspondence Last letter that you sent It was, I think, the final time That you called me a friend It was in a pile of papers From my old mother’s house With other cards and notes you gave Back when we were devout I will use these words to explain In a way you’ll never see That this miscommunication Gave a wrong view of me You sent it at a year or so After we were finished Within its words I sense your hope Love not yet diminished I think you may have mentioned it After you came back home When I once tried to talk but you Walked by and wouldn't slow A mutual friend spoke of it Some two decades ago And I was mystified because I simply didn’t know I didn’t recall the letter Forgotten its receipt But when I found and read its words I recalled its described deeds Your letter was at my mother’s ‘Cause I was hurt so bad Surgery and medications With healing to be had Received it at my college house Held tight in my clutches I tore open with alacrity Falling from my crutches I read part of your note that day Stuck it in my duffel Packed your other notes and cards Then off to hospital Brought it with your other writings To give me some comfort As I would just be sitting long 'Til I was recovered And after the operation Sitting up late at night Unable to sleep sound because Meds made my heartbeat slight I recall being sad one eve In Mother's modest home Watching her little poor TV Reviewing your slim tomes In your letter, amazing lands! And magical far places! And one hundred mile per hour Motorcycle chases! Such experiences you had all Through Europe’s bevelled plains! But I in healing poverty Felt sore lament and pain I could not join you there, at least Not for several years Did you even want me to try? You couldn’t know that fear Your family was very wealthy It’s hard for you to see The lowly circumstances That were the start of me You never knew how bad it felt My inadequacy To give you that magnificence That you deserved to be Poor upbringing was no problem For your generous heart You never held it against me Never pushed us apart But it caused misunderstandings From worlds so different And my worries about it too Increased how much it meant Your year away almost over You soon were coming back I was thinking about renewal And fixing what I lacked I read your letter ‘til I saw Your plans a year away When you said with hopefulness You might move there to stay That is on the note's second page I never read page three ‘Cause that's the point I thought I knew That you were lost to me That line tore open scars I'd grown To cover up my thought In saddened anger when you said Long plans were all for naught This point had always burned and caused Lost confident self-worth I feared you'd put me to the side For accidents of birth But if I'd read a bit further For a lover's redress Was hid a slight request you made In false casualness You sought a call for an event Bare affection from me The letter asked for that small sign Of simple courtesy The call never came to you on Your twenty-first birthday I can see your astonishment At disregard that way How could a boy you had loved so Selflessly and so much Avoid that solitary act And chance to keep in touch? You were badly hurt thereafter There was no getting through Your broken heart gave a verdict And that's when I lost you My Precious Girl, I’d have called you There’s no way I wouldn’t Healing slow on a pleather couch There's no way I couldn't Like truth serum the meds would have Sucked away all my fight I’d have called you...so so quickly I’d have called you...ev’ry night I used to wish for your number I was so ready too I’d been pondering what we’d had And I still wanted you It’s a tragedy in our lives As that was your last sign Of my lack of real love for you And fickle boyish mind It rankles so much in me now Since that's not how it was It’s just one of those fateful things God’s little joke on us A Happy Belated Birthday For now and all your life I wish you joyous contentment And love that’s free from strife But I know something deeply in My bones and in my soul I know I would have called you if I’d read your letter full And I’d have wished you way back then A Happy Birthday too And I’d have told you on that call How much I still loved you