~ (~) ~ Answering Hate (Part #2 of 5) ~ (~) ~

Because I feel honestly as I am still finding out more about it, when I am willing to look, in-so-many-more-ways, it is and always has been. It has held me from my innocence, kept me from another, and from my safety that I feel now for myself must be placed within something far greater than me. And so today through the examples that I have known and have now been shown within the Bible and within myself. Seeing for myself now my sometimes still faulty view of Him. Honestly today for myself I feel that truly as they are, they for me are completely insufficient in my ideas of them alone of Him and another. As as well I feel that through the perfect shame they have brought to me time and again and to another, and to this world as it is through my faulty reliance on myself through them as I have yielded them. Through my misunderstandings and faulty judgment of Him and them and this beautiful world around me, and through the painful examples that I believe now have always made me feel as alone as I have often felt. With them still evolving within me all alone and living with them... completely-absent-of-God. Without Him I believe in some way I feel now they will always be continuing to grow within me. I desire now to grow farther away from them through Him. As they I have found are always rising up over and over within me... . And as well I feel still-now-sometimes-today that I have in some way always kept them within myself and brought them in their varied destruction and-this-ever-more-hurtful-and-even-more-damaging-way to another. As today I feel Him to be a bit closer to me now and believe this fact just a little bit more each day, they can only be and bring I feel one thing today for me and no other thing but this precious gift that I can only hope, will continue to be offered to me through Him... . As I fall to my knees amid the light shining down on me through the realization of them as I abandon myself to them and their results and to Him and this idea. Because I figure that it started or if you will was brought to me through other folks and so many other things that I have done in my life as a result, and so I would do anything at all to not feel this way. Because-my-hate, I have found out through asking Him and another for help and through being reminded. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcDCvQbOdig&feature=related