15 Months

I’m sorry I ignored your calls and the attention I was given I’m sorry I made you feel like your emotions were not worth living. I’m sorry after 4 months I still wanted some other guy, I’m sorry at month 6 I discovered yet another lie. I hate that it was too late, my heart had already picked a side. I remember in month 7, I left him for you. I’m sorry that I begged and you didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry I hooked up with him, and you didn’t approve. In months 8 & 9 you stood by me while he was forcing me to move. 10 – You just wouldn’t understand. I said “NO” and pushed away your hands 11 – Came and left without a single word. After all that we went through I still wanted to be your girl. 12 – Was emotional, you were on your way, but there were those three little words you wanted but I still couldn’t say. I’m sorry that after 13 months I still wasn’t perfect. I’m mad that we were nearly at 14 months before I decided you were worth it. I hate that when the 12th of the next month came around you said “wow, that’s 15”. You were still far away, and still just as mean. I hate that 15 was when I was going to say those three little words and send them your way, but instead you kissed me and acted like it was all fine. You took me home and then it was time “I have bigger dreams, and things I need to do. I’m sorry but my life isn’t you.” I’m sorry that after 15 months you were nothing but a jerk I hate that 15 months still couldn’t make it work. I’m angry that I gave you my Sweet Sixteenth year, something I looked so forward to, I couldn’t enjoy while it was here. I hate you for not keeping your words and just staying away. You had to come back and forth and make me want to stay. Those 15 months where all I had was you, are gone, erased, thrown away and blank. There is no sensitivity because of you it lacks. You’re gone, it’s over and I’m not looking back.