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Best Famous Spike Milligan Poems

Here is a collection of the all-time best famous Spike Milligan poems. This is a select list of the best famous Spike Milligan poetry. Reading, writing, and enjoying famous Spike Milligan poetry (as well as classical and contemporary poems) is a great past time. These top poems are the best examples of Spike Milligan poems.

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Written by Spike Milligan |

A Silly Poem

 Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

Written by Spike Milligan |

Have A Nice Day

 'Help, help, ' said a man.
'I'm drowning.
' 'Hang on, ' said a man from the shore.
'Help, help, ' said the man.
'I'm not clowning.
' 'Yes, I know, I heard you before.
Be patient dear man who is drowning, You, see I've got a disease.
I'm waiting for a Doctor J.
So do be patient please.
' 'How long, ' said the man who was drowning.
'Will it take for the Doc to arrive? ' 'Not very long, ' said the man with the disease.
'Till then try staying alive.
' 'Very well, ' said the man who was drowning.
'I'll try and stay afloat.
By reciting the poems of Browning And other things he wrote.
' 'Help, help, ' said the man with the disease, 'I suddenly feel quite ill.
' 'Keep calm.
' said the man who was drowning, ' Breathe deeply and lie quite still.
' 'Oh dear, ' said the man with the awful disease.
'I think I'm going to die.
' 'Farewell, ' said the man who was drowning.
Said the man with the disease, 'goodbye.
' So the man who was drowning, drownded And the man with the disease past away.
But apart from that, And a fire in my flat, It's been a very nice day.

Written by Spike Milligan |


What are vices?
Catching rats
And eating mices!

More great poems below...

Written by Spike Milligan |

Jumbo Jet

 I saw a little elephant standing in my garden,
I said 'You don't belong in here', he said 'I beg you pardon?',
I said 'This place is England, what are you doing here?',
He said 'Ah, then I must be lost' and then 'Oh dear, oh dear'.
'I should be back in Africa, on Saranghetti's Plain', 'Pray, where is the nearest station where I can catch a train?'.
He caught the bus to Finchley and then to Mincing lane, And over the Embankment, where he got lost, again.
The police they put him in a cell, but it was far too small, So they tied him to a lampost and he slept against the wall.
But as the policemen lay sleeping by the twinkling light of dawn, The lampost and the wall were there, but the elephant was gone! So if you see an elephant, in a Jumbo Jet, You can be sure that Africa's the place he's trying to get!

Written by Spike Milligan |


 Say Bazonka every day
That's what my grandma used to say
It keeps at bay the Asian Flu'
And both your elbows free from glue.
So say Bazonka every day (That's what my grandma used to say) Don't say it if your socks are dry! Or when the sun is in your eye! Never say it in the dark (The word you see emits a spark) Only say it in the day (That's what my grandma used to say) Young Tiny Tim took her advice He said it once, he said it twice he said it till the day he died And even after that he tried To say Bazonka! every day Just like my grandma used to say.
Now folks around declare it's true That every night at half past two If you'll stand upon your head And shout Bazonka! from your bed You'll hear the word as clear as day Just like my grandma used to say!

Written by Spike Milligan |


 'Twas midnight in the schoolroom
And every desk was shut
When suddenly from the alphabet 
Was heard a loud "Tut-Tut!"

Said A to B, "I don't like C;
His manners are a lack.
For all I ever see of C Is a semi-circular back!" "I disagree," said D to B, "I've never found C so.
From where I stand he seems to be An uncompleted O.
" C was vexed, "I'm much perplexed, You criticise my shape.
I'm made like that, to help spell Cat And Cow and Cool and Cape.
" "He's right" said E; said F, "Whoopee!" Said G, "'Ip, 'Ip, 'ooray!" "You're dropping me," roared H to G.
"Don't do it please I pray.
" "Out of my way," LL said to K.
"I'll make poor I look ILL.
" To stop this stunt J stood in front, And presto! ILL was JILL.
"U know," said V, "that W Is twice the age of me.
For as a Roman V is five I'm half as young as he.
" X and Y yawned sleepily, "Look at the time!" they said.
"Let's all get off to beddy byes.
" They did, then "Z-z-z.

Written by Spike Milligan |

On the Ning Nang Nong

 On the Ning Nang Nong 
Where the Cows go Bong! 
and the monkeys all say BOO! 
There's a Nong Nang Ning 
Where the trees go Ping! 
And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang All the mice go Clang And you just can't catch 'em when they do! So its Ning Nang Nong Cows go Bong! Nong Nang Ning Trees go ping Nong Ning Nang The mice go Clang What a noisy place to belong is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!

Written by Spike Milligan |


 There must be a wound! 
No one can be this hurt 
and not bleed.
How could she injure me so? No marks No bruise Worse! People say 'My, you're looking well' .
God help me! She's mummified me - ALIVE!

Written by Spike Milligan |


 Things that go 'bump' in the night
Should not really give one a fright.
It's the hole in each ear That lets in the fear, That, and the absence of light!

Written by Spike Milligan |

The Dog Lovers

 So they bought you
And kept you in a
Very good home
Cental heating
A deep freeze
A very good home-
No one to take you
For that lovely long run-
But otherwise
'A very good home'
They fed you Pal and Chun
But not that lovely long run,
Until, mad with energy and boredom
You escaped- and ran and ran and ran
Under a car.
Today they will cry for you- Tomorrow they will but another dog.

Written by Spike Milligan |


 English Teeth, English Teeth! 
Shining in the sun 
A part of British heritage 
Aye, each and every one.
English Teeth, Happy Teeth! Always having fun Clamping down on bits of fish And sausages half done.
English Teeth! HEROES' Teeth! Hear them click! and clack! Let's sing a song of praise to them - Three Cheers for the Brown Grey and Black.

Written by Spike Milligan |


 American Detectives
Never remove their hats
When investigating murders
In other people's flats.
Chinese Tecs Are far more dreaded! And they always appear Bare-headed!

Written by Spike Milligan |


 Through every nook and every cranny
The wind blew in on poor old Granny
Around her knees, into each ear
(And up nose as well, I fear)

All through the night the wind grew worse
It nearly made the vicar curse
The top had fallen off the steeple
Just missing him (and other people)

It blew on man, it blew on beast
It blew on nun, it blew on priest
It blew the wig off Auntie Fanny-
But most of all, it blew on Granny!

Written by Spike Milligan |

The Lion

 If you're attacked by a Lion
Find fresh underpants to try on
Lay on the ground quite still
Pretend you are very ill
Keep like that day after day
Perhaps the lion will go away

Written by Spike Milligan |

Summer Dawn

 My sleeping children are still flying dreams 
in their goose-down heads.
The lush of the river singing morning songs Fish watch their ceilings turn sun-white.
The grey-green pike lances upstream Kale, like mermaid's hair points the water's drift.
All is morning hush and bird beautiful.
I only, I didn't have flu.