Lizzie Borden took a hatchet,
because, in case you didn't catch it,
she didn't need that long a handle.
Sincerely yours, Dave Crandall
Losing one's lunch
is not so hot
but dropping your dinner
when a fish dish wish was the plot
could be your worst nightmare
as not a morsel will pass your lips
as meals go it's now toast
and you've had your chips
Spirit-starved
sate my hunger if you will
humour me with comedy
'til I'm full and had my fill
for if music be the food of love
and laughter music of the soul
feast me on a funny song
nothing serious but something droll
tickle my funny bone with a tone
to make my toes all wriggle
and nourish me on melody
let me have a heartfelt giggle
With apologies to William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616)
Three wishes? Oh, let's see -
how about immortality?
Hmm, that sounds good. However,
I think it would take forever.
He Sculpted her from, a block of ice
and he had an image, drawn down, it twice
a million ice pleats, in her dress, that glowed
he must carve it slow, must carve it slowwwwww
and the light behind her, showed no imperfect flaws
so he sculpt her more, scattered shards, fell to the floor
and he carved her bodice, of frozen plumes
to mimic feathers, that appeared to move
so up and down, frozen , round and round
and just like Artic water, but it had no sound
and strings of ice beads, from her shoulders edge
her covered garment, the strands did blend
not once , imagination , did ever wavering
though her ice cold eyes, had splintered shavings
so he kept stepping back, to view , his work of Art
sublimation decor, this woman, would never part
but he took too long , in this Art, admired
for now it melted, for time makes , ice,
....so very tired.
We here at the goat farm
will never do you any harm.
We just want a chance
to eat your shirt and pants.
Although my poems are not so numerous
I try to make them a little humerous
I'm certainly not a bard
but I do try very hard
to mix in a bit of the ridiculous
Please don't think this poet demented,
so that my reputation is cemented
as a lunatic or nut.
I hope you think of me with pleasure
and happiness, if only a measure -
just the oppo-zut.
What sort of beast
is made with yeast?
That kind of critter
is called an apple fritter.
I was raised alongside our dog.
My biggest dream was to be a cog
in the great Cogswell Cogs machine.
I'd work for peanuts or for bones,
but his cubicle nameplate read, "Spot Jones",
while I fought for scraps on streets so mean.
There was this old fellow from Princeton
Whose Dodge Ram did throw a piston
With the engine bloc shot
He ran home at a trot
And switched to a Chevy in an instant
In its special serpentine style too deep to fathom
while submersed beneath I was surprised to see
the world's second most venomous reptile
a striped Dubois' sea snake swim by me
when forewarned of dangers quirky lurking in the deep
altho' arriving suitably attired with fins mask and snorkel
it was sufficient to almost scare me out of my diving skin
so severe as to make my heart skip flip or turn turtle
but being bold brave of heart and fleet of flippered-foot
swiftly did I surely doggy-paddle safely away
tho' no harm was done to me a close call or so it seemed to be
which I survived to recount alive here on this another day
Altho' his feelings
he chose to suppress,
human and Vulcan,
yet, so as to process,
when overwhelmed,
in need of time apart,
and not upset
the apple cart,
to get things off his chest,
emotions, thoughts
and personal challenges,
of all kinds and several sorts,
on board the starship Enterprise,
the First Officer they'd have to replace,
when Spock told Captain Kirk,
'I need my space!'
The day I arrived
in my own good time
(not at all shy)
neither early nor late
13th July
I remember it well
t'was a memorable date
as a present from my parents
(their pride and joy a baby boy)
a Wednesday I recall
some time in the morn
the best day of my life after all
for it was the one
on which I was born
Altho' knowing that
nothing beats tit for tat
there's no call at all
to cooperate
if you don't wish
to participate
but if something you lack
and scratch my back
while one hand
washes the other
I'll scratch yours
which could be
accomplished
when down on all fours
however taking a gander
unseemly tho' it may be
what's good for the goose
is good for me
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