The Ballad of Daphne and Jack, a Romance of the High Seas

Listen, my dears, and I'll tell you a tale Of a princess, a pirate, and glory. There's a shipwreck, a rescue, A romance, a ransom, And a handicapped whale in the story. There once was a princess, fairest of all, But also quite vain and spoiled rotten. She had a semi-private Affair with a pirate That would be but for me now forgotten. The pirate, Mad Jack, was bloodthirsty and crude, When upset, he'd explode, blow his top off. Merchant vessels he sank, Made their crews walk the plank, Or, more rudely, their heads he would lop off. One day Princess Daphne set out to sea With her maid, they were bound for Majorca. But the maid, in a gale, Was swept over the rail And inhaled by an asthmatic orca. Lifeboats were lowered, the crew clambered in And rowed quickly away, only thinking Of saving their own necks, Not the princess below decks Left alone on a wreck that was sinking. Then through the storm a ship hove into view, At first Daphne thought it would dodge her. But before she could hail her, She felt courage fail her, From its mast flew a vast Jolly Roger. When Princess Daphne was brought before Jack, She was haughty but thought he was handsome. But to his greedy eyes This fair royal prize Represented a shipload of ransom. But Jack was still human, Daphne was too, And soon they were sharing their privates. To his quarters she moved And his crew all approved, No one loves a love tale more than pirates. But what of the ransom, yet to be paid? Well, here the plot gets even deeper. The stingy king said to Jack, "No, I don't want her back. It's cheaper for me if you keep her." So Princess Daphne became Jack's sea wife, And though common, but not mandatory, When they became parents They stopped being pirates And passed peacefully out of the story. For now then, my dears, that's the end of my tale, An adventurous one hard to equal. But, if I may be so bold, And there's more to be told, It may one day unfold in a sequel.