My Mother-In-Law

My Mother-In-Law has passed so she is no longer here. Mixed feelings I have but a little less fear. She was not my big fan, was less tolerant than most. She called me a bum... I thought 'What a strange wedding day toast?' I was told more than once my Wife could do better. She wrote Ann Landers nine times about me in some letters. She would scream like a banshee with a voice unlike silk. I was always hoping to see her displayed on a carton of milk. She was always at our house so I had no where to flee. A cold wind would soon follow killing the leaves on our trees. Real Estate values have fallen all over our block. She kept wearing those short shorts when out for a walk. There was a knock on my door and who did I find? But a 'Peeping Tom' crying, 'Please close all your blinds.' A sizable women as she smoked... had a cough. When the Lady broke wind... my car alarm would go off. We had gone to the beach and swam late through the night. She then got a bit hungry and bit a Great White. The next day we went to the Zoo where she was attacked by three apes. The battle was wild and fierce... only one would escape. I arrive early for the service, it's the least I can do. Considering our checkered history and what we've been through. The people are surprisingly quiet, they are silent in prayer. But my thoughts turn quickly to lunch, what will they prepare? I will definitely miss her somewhat as I ponder her fate. For poor Heaven has gained a little more weight. But if Heaven be not but the other direction. I have no doubt she will have the Devil's affection. We shouldn't speak ill of the dead as there is no need to flaunt. They may come back as spirits determined to haunt. The Church service is finished as the mourners depart. The only thing left is to put a stake in her heart. The End *For those who might be interested. I will be posting my cartoon 'Bob's your Uncle' on my homepage. A new one will appear every second day.