Get Your Premium Membership

My Mother-In-Law

My Mother-In-Law has passed so she is no longer here. Mixed feelings I have but a little less fear. She was not my big fan, was less tolerant than most. She called me a bum... I thought 'What a strange wedding day toast?' I was told more than once my Wife could do better. She wrote Ann Landers nine times about me in some letters. She would scream like a banshee with a voice unlike silk. I was always hoping to see her displayed on a carton of milk. She was always at our house so I had no where to flee. A cold wind would soon follow killing the leaves on our trees. Real Estate values have fallen all over our block. She kept wearing those short shorts when out for a walk. There was a knock on my door and who did I find? But a 'Peeping Tom' crying, 'Please close all your blinds.' A sizable women as she smoked... had a cough. When the Lady broke wind... my car alarm would go off. We had gone to the beach and swam late through the night. She then got a bit hungry and bit a Great White. The next day we went to the Zoo where she was attacked by three apes. The battle was wild and fierce... only one would escape. I arrive early for the service, it's the least I can do. Considering our checkered history and what we've been through. The people are surprisingly quiet, they are silent in prayer. But my thoughts turn quickly to lunch, what will they prepare? I will definitely miss her somewhat as I ponder her fate. For poor Heaven has gained a little more weight. But if Heaven be not but the other direction. I have no doubt she will have the Devil's affection. We shouldn't speak ill of the dead as there is no need to flaunt. They may come back as spirits determined to haunt. The Church service is finished as the mourners depart. The only thing left is to put a stake in her heart. The End *For those who might be interested. I will be posting my cartoon 'Bob's your Uncle' on my homepage. A new one will appear every second day.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019




Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Date: 4/30/2019 9:54:00 AM
you may sometimes miss her presence, yes, one of the mixed feelings.
Login to Reply
Date: 4/18/2019 1:52:00 PM
hope you don't have a curse on you. I do enjoy your stories and stop going to the library for books!
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/19/2019 3:06:00 PM
What's a library?
Date: 4/16/2019 11:03:00 AM
David, my storyteller friend, you never fail me with your talent. I had quite a mother in law too, so bossy, and a real know it all, she would come to visit and move all our furniture, said I had no design sense, we would put everything back in place till the next visit... when my husband died she insisted he be buried with their family, which is far from me, she won (I had no fight in me), that's sort of sad, but I visit when I can and best thing I never had to see her again!
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/19/2019 3:05:00 PM
I feel for you. Life is tough enough without worrying about the In-Laws. Have a great day.
Date: 4/15/2019 5:29:00 PM
Definition of mixed emotions: Your mother-in-law drives your new Porsche off of a cliff... :) gw
Login to Reply
Date: 4/14/2019 7:26:00 AM
LOL!!! On a scale of 1-10, this one gets a 15, David. You should listen to "Mother-in-Law" by Ernie K-Doe. Janice
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/14/2019 2:21:00 PM
You are too kind Janice. Have a great day.
Date: 4/13/2019 3:09:00 PM
Really a fun poem - mother in laws - they were, they are and they will always be! Poetry hugs, Jennifer.
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/14/2019 2:21:00 PM
They do tend to get a bad rap. Thanks Jennifer.
Date: 4/13/2019 7:53:00 AM
Hello David McHatie, way to wake up from my slumber. Thank you for the chuckle. I never had a mother-in-law. The breaking wind is priceless! Have a nice day my friend.
Login to Reply
De Beaulieu Avatar
Darlene De Beaulieu
Date: 4/16/2019 6:10:00 PM
I so agree. i do mine before dinner,or early afternoon with a cup of tea. have a nice evening my friend.
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/13/2019 9:52:00 AM
A lovely morning, a cup of coffee, and a little poetry. A great way to start the day my friend.
Date: 4/12/2019 11:18:00 PM
I wish I was your mother-in-law; I would love a poem like this written about Me! Love the "breaking wind" line, and all the other lines too! LOVE it!
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/13/2019 9:51:00 AM
Then you're going to like my next poem, which is entitled, 'The Night Grandma Broke Wind,' Have a great day.
Date: 4/12/2019 10:27:00 PM
G'day David … I don't think that you could comprehend the result if you recited this poem at a poets brekkie here in Aus. It would bring the house down - great - Lindsay
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/12/2019 11:08:00 PM
Thanks Lindsay. I appreciate the kind words. Have a great day.
Date: 4/12/2019 7:08:00 PM
oh my goodness. Best mother in law poem ever (for the BAD ones of course) Mine was a real doozy, so I totally relate! She died last year and this is the honest truth, they asked friends and relatives to come to the front and say something about her. Nobody would do it, it was so awkward all that silence.
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/12/2019 8:17:00 PM
Wow. That would have been something to experience. The best thing about some people is that their gone. Have a great day.
Date: 4/12/2019 2:26:00 PM
Phenomenal. Am sending to my son in law. And...others. What a kick you are! Hardly, a real fan of the departed demon! Eeeks Panagiota
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/12/2019 8:14:00 PM
Thanks Panagiota. You can't choose your family, but you can choose your Mother-in-law. Have a great day my friend.
Date: 4/12/2019 2:20:00 PM
David. All I can say is AMAZING!!! With a "Mc" in front of your name you're surely Scottish? Your poetry lays in the veins of Fairytales; mead drinking bawdy songs, and better to read than pub fare. I envy the telling of tales, but always love to listen. I envision a camp fire, all sitting around; and you Druidically chanting you poems. Always, simply a wonderful read. You are the one that needs to tell me how you do it. Thanks so very much for creating, David.
Login to Reply
Connelly Avatar
Jeff Connelly
Date: 4/12/2019 8:17:00 PM
For me, the Italian came from the Tyrol region in the Alps; and the Irish, literally a bastard, no one knows.
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/12/2019 8:10:00 PM
My people are from a little town just north of Inverness, Scotland.
Date: 4/12/2019 12:33:00 PM
oh so funny David I no longer have in laws and have written poems strictly tongue in cheek (maybe lol) about my MIL lol:-) adding this gem to my faves:-) hugs jan xx
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/12/2019 8:09:00 PM
Thanks Jan. If the truth be known, my Mother-in-law is one of the nicest people I have ever met.
Date: 4/12/2019 12:30:00 PM
This is great, I laughed aloud and I'm still grinning. There is a contest called, "An Epitaph to Make Us Laugh" that you should definitely put this in (read the rules first though, I don't know if there are, for instance, line restrictions.) Your humor is quick-delivered with talent sure to incite many giggles. VERY amusing ... CayCay
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 4/12/2019 11:10:00 PM
Thanks Caycay. I may indeed enter a few contests, but most of what I see is not my cup of tea. Have a great day.