Illinois Central Repartee

As he stood paper cup in hand by the drinking fountain on a train

 somewhere south of Kankakee, miles from Chicago,

 a quiet, pensive, older man was getting harangued by a loudmouthed, 

 blowsy, beer drinking, inconsiderate, disheveled and overweight woman.

 Aka, his wife.  


She finally shut her mouth after he exploded with,

“get your face out of mine, yo breath smells like

 you been eatin camel dookey for a week!” 

The laughter from the old men in the club car was deafening, 

so she just sat down and cried all the way to New Orleans.



This narrative for the comma contest is a childhood memory I observed riding the Illinois Central’s “City of New Orleans.” Circa 1955.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2012

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Brown Avatar
February 14, 2012 at 5:39 AM
Congratulations on your win in Russell's "Tons Of Comma Fun" contest John T. Love, Carol
Ronthorpe Avatar
February 13, 2012 at 8:26 AM
Congratulations on your 5th place win in Russell's contest...................S.Ronthorpe
A   Avatar
February 12, 2012 at 2:15 AM
JOHN,, stopping by to wish you a SWEET VALENTINE.. AND A WONDERFUL , congratulations... ON your wonderful win In this awesome contest. Enjoyed ;-) . have yourself a wonderful valentines. @lways & @lways *xox~PD
Gorelick Avatar
February 11, 2012 at 4:57 PM
OH, John...what a memory.."camel dookey"..thats one Ill have to remember. congrats. BG
Johnson Avatar
February 11, 2012 at 11:58 AM
A great story well done. Congratulations, John
Taylor Avatar
February 11, 2012 at 8:27 AM
Congrats, John. Quite a story! Enjoyed. Great job. Have a great weekend. Ralph
Kendrick Avatar
February 10, 2012 at 5:33 PM
Very interesting story that you have told in poetic form..Enjoyed reading this eve..Great one to be in the winners' circle..Congrats..Sara
Brown Avatar
January 19, 2012 at 9:58 AM
Thank you for sharing your love of poetry with us here at PoetrySoup John T. I enjoyed reading your wonderful words today. Love, Carol
Squyres Avatar
January 18, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Started out feeling sorry for the older man, then it switched to the woman. Then I thought...well "tit for tat" lol enjoyed !!
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