The Rain

Where does rain come from? The easy answer is, “The sky.” Another answer is, “From God.” But since God is not on the payroll of any major news media outlet, we will dismiss that answer out of hand. It is perfectly clear that the United States government along with all of the beautiful people, the news casters on and off TV, control the weather so disregard all other ridiculous speculations.

It is so obvious. There is only one place on Earth and that is New York City. Nothing else exists. Perhaps DC if you're counting but we don’t count so moving right along. There is nowhere else in the world to get news so your choice is America because we believe in the freedom of choice and apple pie. Apple pie is the only thing on the menu and only America knows how to serve the news.

Rain was created by Al Gore, the former Vice President of the United States. He invented it in the year 38 BC on a Tuesday at approximately 3:35 pm, which was around the same year and time he invented computers and the internet. Mr. Gore could not get a patent on these things which he had on his mind at that time because the United States had not been discovered yet and the doors to the US Patent office were not yet opened to the public. Dah.

VP Gore had to hold the water on his brain (aka rain and internet access) for many centuries. Once he completed all his tree hugging, which were plenty and a lot, (Gore is also known as the worlds most famous environmentalist. Trees come first. Rain later.) Someone had already beaten him to the punch. Perhaps the punch was spiked. In any event, rain to this day has never been patented. Computers and internet service are another story. You can read all about them in the NY Times.

The next time you see rain remember that it is wet but not free. Buy the newspaper lest you forget what to do next. Umbrellas are extra.

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