not the Desiderata
Not The Desiderata but- Demented-deteriorata
Go placidly amid the wet cement of life
Use rubber boots indoors among the rubble
Wear 2 condoms every day for protection
Warning signs are read from left to right
Devout idiots avoid the letter F. Can I buy a vowel?
Stupidity knows no boundaries in the here and now
Go Therefore to the theater
Enjoy show tunes as Woke is no joke
For a good time call Kathy. (the number is on restroom walls)
As far as possible without surrendering
Remember, you are a child of the universe
Flotsam goo, stuck to the bottom of a shoe
Be on good terms with people named Bruce
Be not ashamed to walk on the graves of puppets
Let not pavements fall on you while on the ground
in solitude find peace between people of equal height
Find coins and old pizza in sofa creases
Shadows hide the souls desire to never mind
Chill out. Leave zoos at 4:00 pm as that’s when they close
Hours of operation are posted for those who have eyes to see
Tranquility will follow you to public toilets in your need
Flush twice as some things linger the more you think
Bring a newspaper to read
Remember always, public faculties breed diseases
Exercise caution in your business affairs
For the world is filled with elephant trickery
Elevator capacities are 500 lbs.
So beware of pachyderms on stairs
Rising with the rate of crime
Climbing with peanut shells behind them
Take counsel of the passing years
As you are not getting old but dead
Drink the soup of your deliciousness
Own your mistakes and take a bath
It is a grave mistake to microwave gravy
Jumping through windows could be fatal
And lead you into the temptation of landing
Whatever comes first, it is mine, don’t touch it
Remember, there are discounts on the horizon
Stores use lay-a-way as a scam on mankind
On your shores of sadness there is emptiness
Embrace it as there is more to come
Fingers are used for counting toes
No more or less for those without
Tomorrow is a word that begins with T
Voice your truth quietly and clearly
Through a mega phone but please don't speak
Use short words when speaking to the small
Use telephones when calling God
And sign language when reaching Japan
You are a child of the universe
Everything you say and do will be used against you in a court of law
Respect gravity, use it wisely when leaving planes in flight
You are not Superman. There is no S across your chest
Tickets cost $12.00 to see him at movie theaters
Go in peace and eat the popcorn
Always there will be people greater and lesser than yourself
Therefore, take wallets from others according to their wealth
The universe is waiting for you to drink Pepsi. Do not disappoint
Avoid loud and obnoxious people. Karens are the worst
Keep interested in your career
Beer is not going to drink itself
Make peace with your god, whatever you conceive Him or it to be:
A mushroom cloud, a plastic bottle, a door knob collection on Ebay
A crouton you almost choked on while eating Cesar salad
Pray to him frequently for coupons
Be yourself as it will serve you well when showering
You are a child of the universe
Coming up from behind you with a knife
Quit and turn yourself in to the authorities
Turn off faucets and lights when leaving town
Leave no bar of soap or towel behind from hotels
In the noisy confusion of life, resign
It is still a beautiful world. Remember to steal ash trays that say Hilton
It is a small world but who wants to paint it?
Keep peace in your soul and weather balloons in your pockets
Use helium until you rise and pop
People are dumber than you think
Therefore, be at peace with your rugs and carpets.
Wipe your feet before walking on friends and little people.
Rise with the suns of ever darkness
Whatever that means.
When eating cake, eat one slice at a time
Because two would be foolish, three, ridiculous
Pick a number as long as it is ten
If you talk to yourself do it in public
People will give you quarters
The universe is out to get you
Go forward therefore to buy an Uzi
There is no time to waste
Jeopardy is on at 8:00
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