My experiences with racism - I will no longer be silent

I was brought up in a quaint and rather large town in Connecticut. My father was a hard working middle class citizen. I think that my graduating class of 1976 our Bicentennial year was around 400 students. Of those, maybe one dozen were young people of color. I never understood why they all seemed to live in the “Pond Road” section of town. I was aware that it was not the best part of town. This was SO many years ago and I feel bad that her name escapes me, I had a friend who lived in that part of town. She was taller than me, very smart, and pretty. My parents allowed me to have her over, but I was not allowed to go to her house. I realize now that their parents did not have the opportunities that white parents had. Their income was limited. Back then I did not look at it deeply enough to know things needed to change.

Then one summer before my graduation, my parents hired a young man to paint our lovely ranch house in the suburbs. It was not fancy or large, and living on the cul de sac with a lot of other families always felt safe to me. His name was Jesse and yes, he was black. He was around a lot that summer. He and I became friends, then one day he asked me to go out to see a movie. I never had thought about what my parents would say about the prospect of us going out together. Wow, I was blindsided. I was told no and I was sent to my room when I protested. As a family we never spoke about diversity, or acceptance of others. Now I see we need to shine a light on this long before our children ask.

Years later in my 30’s I was driving down a busy highway in my red Jeep Cherokee when I heard a loud sound. I realized I had a tire that had blown, and I made it safely to the side of the road. It was winter and quite cold that day. I did not have a cell phone with me. Many cars whizzed by, including a state trooper - no one stopped! The only vehicle that stopped was a beat up cargo van in a dark color with no windows and New York State license plates. A tall black man approached my Jeep. He asked if he could help. I asked him to go to the next exit and tell the garage there to send a tow truck. He peered into the back of my Jeep and said to me…”You have a spare in the back, I can put it on for you.” I tried to say no, he insisted that he wanted to help. So he changed my tire. When he was done I got out of the driver’s seat, shook his hand, thanked him and offered him $20. Which was all I had that day. He handed it back to me and held my hand in both of his. He looked me in the eye and said “we are here to help one another” The kindness of this man and that statement truly changed my life! This story still brings me to tears.

That was many many years ago...Here is a much more recent experience I had with one of the dearest men I have ever met. James Tarpley of the Grandin area of Roanoke, VA. I was a newish vendor at the Grandin Farmers Market. It was a hot day early in the season and I hate the heat. My table was set up and my booth was open for business. I always brought water and a snack with me. A few hours into the morning this kind older man with a beautiful smile and lovely very dark skin came by with a tray and asked if I wanted an ice cream. All of the little cups were marked with what was inside. I said yes, thank you and how much do I owe you? He said it was free. I gave him a kiss on the cheek. When I gave him a kiss on the cheek he responded with these words “you are not a racist are you?” I look at this statement in hindsight with a bit of sadness that a kiss can’t just be a kiss although I know he meant it in a loving way.

He sat with me for a while and told me who he was, he boasted about his age, I think he was around 85 at the time? A few days later I heard he was a local celebrity of sorts, I looked him up online. James Tarpley was a local hero, known as the Angel of Grandin. He looked out for his community in many ways. His story was fascinating to me. He never boasted of his fame, just his age.

Today in his honor there is a larger than life painting of him on the side of a building not far from the co-op. Whoever did it is an amazing artist! I thank you for keeping him with us.

I have never considered myself a racist, however now I am coming to terms with the fact that being passive and not actively helping others obtain the freedoms that I have is not the best form of “not being a racist”.

It makes me cry when I hear about black mothers having to warn their beautiful young children about how to act if stopped by police. Telling them to be quiet and careful, not to defend themselves in an effort to save their lives. This is just insane in our day and age. To hear that a black man driving a nice car is a suspect just because of color? Racial profiling is the worst offense EVER.

I imagine that if you are black you have heard all of this before, in my opinion I think you have more people on your side now. With the social media of today it is harder to hide injustices. We need massive change for our friends of color! I will not be silent again. If I see an injustice I will videotape it, I will bring it to light and do my best to intervene. Black Lives Matter, ALL Lives Matter! We are all in this together.

With Love for all,
Willow Lawrence xoxo

Comments