Lolita

My cousin, Raphael, does not like automobiles. He does not like automobiles because he
says they are too troublesome. By this he means to say that the automobile has caused him
nothing but trouble since his wife, Lolita, won hers in our local lottery. I think he is right; I think
the automobile is too much trouble also.
Lolita has a gift of being lucky. In the past she has won two chickens from Pablo's
general store in his "count the beans" contest, also she has found Ricardo's lost watch when all
others had given up. Ricardo gave Lolita a fine comb for her hair to show his appreciation. Now
Lolita has won the lottery and the town has given her a fifteen year old car and my cousin,
Raphael Dias, is miserable.
Lolita does not know how to drive. She does not have a driver's license. She drove the car
into my chicken coop yesterday and the chickens have escaped. There shall be no more eggs for
me until the coop is rebuilt. Cousin Raphael was sorry. He said he would rebuild my chicken
coop. To date 1 know of four things cousin Raphael has to rebuild for his neighbors because of
Lolita's automobile. There is my chicken coop, Antonio's fence, Salvador's mailbox, and Luisa's
horse cart. Cousin Raphael must take the automobile away from his wife before she does any
more damage.
Lolita is a big woman, Raphael is small. I'm afraid he is unable to take anything away
from his wife. That is why we are met at Antonio's house to talk over the matter of Lolita's old
car and to decide what is to be done about it. We have been talking for an hour and no decision
has been made. We are getting tired. Salvador now speaks.
“Sanchez, what are we to do? I am my wit’s end. We have talked of stealing Lolita’s gas,
tires, and battery but each time the plan is no good because of Lolita’s craftiness. Why must she
have the automobile parked so close to her bedroom window when she sleeps at night? We can
do nothing that will keep from making noise and waking her up. Are you thinking Luisa and
Antonia? I do not think that you are thinking. Why don’t you offer some ideas? What can we do?
“I am thinking Salvador,“ Antonio answered angrily. “I am thinking. We must be more
crafty than Lolita though. Do you think that is easy? Of course we have had no success with our
plans because they are too simple. We need to have a plan that is cunning. Perhaps we can work
through Raphael. He wants to get rid of the automobile as much as we do.”
Phooey," Luisa burst into the conversation. " That Raphael! He is no match for Lolita. He
is too timid. What can he do?"
Antonio agreed. "Luisa is right, Salvador. It is no good to think of using Raphael. He is
afraid of his wife."
Luisa continued. " That woman has luck from the Devil. She wins everything. Was it not
you Sanchez who wanted so much to win the two chickens in Pablo's count the bean contest?
Did you win?"
" No --- I ---."
" Of course not. Lolita won. She wins everything. Think of me. Who got Ricardo's comb
for finding his watch?"
" It was ---."
" Yes, it was Lolita! It is Lolita this, Lolita that. And now, the automobile. This is too
much. Like I say, she has luck from the Devil. Perhaps we can not stop Lolita. She will always
out luck us."
"Stop that kind of talk, Luisa," Salvador scolded the woman. "We can stop Luisa., she
does not have luck from the Devil. She is just crafty. She won the bean contest because she filled
another jar like Pablo's with beans and then counted them_ She was able to find the watch
because she looked where we did not think to look, in the outhouse. She is crafty, but she does
not have luck from the devil. Sanchez will think of a plan. He is more crafty than Lolita."
" Thank you Salvador. l am happy you have faith in me, but the only thing I can think of
is to steal the whole car at once without making noise."
" Huh - - ?’
" Let him finish, Salvador." Luisa spoke with interest. "It is an idea we have not thought
about"
"It is not such a wonderful idea, Luisa. It is a simple idea we should have thought about
at the start . We can steal the whole car at once and hide it in Antonio’s barn.”
"My barn---? We can not do that! My barn is full of pigs. There is not room in my barn
for an automobile."
"Move the pigs, Antonio, move the pigs," Luisa said. "If you let Lolita continue to have
the automobile, you may not have the barn much longer."
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"If I had a barn full of pigs, I would move them," Salvador spoke helpfully.
“Good, Salvador,” Luisa spoke affectionately. "Why can't you be like that Antonio.
Always you think of yourself. You need to think of others. Move the pigs!"
Antonio threw up his hands in surrender. "Alright, I will move the pigs to under my
house."
"How can we move the automobile, Sanchez ?" Salvador asked.
"I will use my donkey. I will tie a rope from him to the car. He will pull the automobile to
Antonio's barn."
" I will help you, Sanchez," Salvador spoke.
" And I too," Luisa said.
" I will wait in the barn for the automobile to come," Antonio added. " I will have the pigs
moved."
"If there is no other plan, we will try this. If it does not work, we will think of something
else."
"Sanchez, "Luisa spoke. " you are more crafty than Lolita. It will work."
" I do not know. Maybe it will and than maybe it won't. We can try."
" When shall we do it?"
" Tonight, Antonio. You must move your pigs out of the barn now. Luisa, Salvador, you
will come with me. We will get my rope and donkey."
We left Antonio's house and went to get my donkey and rope. Antonio went to the barn. I
am not a married man and I do not answer to any woman. " Pepito", my donkey, and I live alone
with our chickens. We get along well together. Pepito is strong and often carries me to town.
Sometimes we sell our eggs there. I earn enough to get by and it makes me happy. But my
chickens are scattered and my coop is broken down. I think it is necessary to get rid of Lolita's
automobile before I perish.
When it is late and everybody is sleeping, we go to Raphael's house. I attach the rope to
Pepito and carefully creep up to the car and tie it to the front bumper. I release the brake and
make sure it is not in gear. Now l go back to the waiting Luisa, Salvador, and Pepito.
"Did you take the brake off, Sanchez?"
"Si, Salvador. The brake is off."
"Did you see Lolita? Did she hear you?"
"No, no, no. We are safe, Her window was open but she did not see me. I made no noise.
We can begin. Get up Pepito! Pull, pull!"
The rope was pulled tight, The car did not move.
"Something is holding the car_ We must all help Pepito pull. Luisa, Salvador, help me
pull the rope."
We all pulled. The car moved with a jerk. All at once a terrible cry came from the house.
" It is Lolita! She sounds like she is in terrible pain. It is Lolita, Sanchez. We are
discovered! Cut the rope."
The cry is horrible. It increases. I cut the rope and jump on Pepito.
" Run --- run!!"
We all run. Pepito does not stop until he is home. The next day Raphael comes to my
house. His eyes are blackened.
" What has happened?" I ask Raphael.
" Lolita beat me up. Someone tried to steal her car last night and the toe on her left foot
was broken."
" Lolita's toe is broken? How did it happen, Raphael?"
" She had a strong string attached to the rear bumper of the car. Every night she ties the
string around her big toe to wake her up if someone should move the automobile while she
is asleep. The strong string pulled her out of bed last night and she hit the wall. Her toe broke."
" Why did she beat you up?"
" I laughed at her."
We didn't get rid of the car this time but Lolita won't be able to drive it for awhile, I think.
Is it possible to drive an automobile with a broken big toe?
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