Lamp Store Emporium
Lamp store emporiums are popping up all over, reflecting the times of the new enlightenment. Portly men with globular heads, red faces with noses bulbous in shape, line up at 9:00 o’clock every morning at the shops. Customers are required to leave their buses at the door before entering. A large sign just outside every store says as much in big bold black letters. These gesturing signals in print are situated for everyone s inspection, placed discretely yet screamingly at the entrance way of the store; without discrimination against any person, place or thing, instructing everyone to obey this simple rule. Signs come in braille and with a sign language interpreter upon request. Mimes are also invited for suggestions on how to survive traffic flow within the scope or should we say, within the purview or capacity of their existing skill sets.
The precise wording reads, “SCOOTERS ARE FINE BUT PARK YOUR BUS OUTSIDE”
Oval glass tables inside are topped with new newspapers and magazines. News stories compliment light like darkness goes well with politics, religion and lollipops made of glass.
Crystal rock shaped globes come in thick or thin dimensions. They cover lamp lights perfectly and compliment any office or home environment with style and grace. Grey and yellow lights seem to be in fashion. Customers are encouraged to touch but not break the product as something bad might happen.
Emporium customers are invited to recline in plush leather easy chairs, strategically placed around the shop for their reading pleasure. Candy and coffee are served by Republicans. Democrats stand by to read you head line news and nursery rhymes if you are so inclined.
People are encouraged to play with all the lights. What we mean by encourage is; a large hammer is placed over the heads of the patrons while the staff scream at the top of their lungs vulgarities well known and respected by the underling masses over the course of human history, with their eyes wide, red, demonic, hysterical like, limbs flailing, flapping like evil birds in a trance and panting all the while for your attention to the matter at hand, to inform you that they think it is a good idea for you to turn the lights off and on but mostly off because reading in the dark is oh so comforting don’t you think?
Heavy set men challenge the integrity of the seating arrangements of the emporium as they reach out for another bite of chocolate truffle and the New York Times, which is always near by to enjoy as you sink down and into deeper cushions modified over time with the weight of insignificance of those who preceeded you on this adventure. Don’t you think the lights are pretty? We think they are just fine and dandy. We think you should think the lights are pretty too and should buy at least two at a time or more if you know what is good for you. The news papers are for free, compliments of the establishment which always has your best interest at heart.
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