Amusement

I sit into my seat, my belt fastened around my waist, my safety harness strapped around my neck and down onto my sholders, ensuring that in every way possible, I am safe- despite the fact I am about to be thrown 60 feet in the air at 100 miles an hour. I took every possible precaution to be certain of my well being, although the safest option would be not riding at all - and I know that. Finally, the ride takes off. I am pushed to the back of my seat by the weight of the wind. My eyes no longer have the capability of sight. I can feel myself being lifted and thrown around in my harness. This is not what I wanted. What was supposed to be joy and excitement has suddenly turned to fear and dread. I expected this to feel like how everyone else described it.
But I did this to myself. This is my fault.
I stood in line waiting to be here, I stepped onto this ride all while knowing what was going to happen and I did it anyway because this was what everyone wanted. I thought it was what I wanted. Maybe I am being ungrateful - I should be happy to be here - I should pretend to be happy to be here. I feel envious of everyone who is enjoying themselves on this ride. I feel envious of the people on the ground that are wishing that they were in my spot. I want to want this... but I can't.

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