A KITTEN THAT PRAYS

I was always afraid of the dark when I was little. Mom would pray with me and tell me things. She told me to trust God. That he does things His way and for His reasons. Even when it is dark, He loves us so much. God sends angels to help you. They do not all have wings, wear white, or make themselves obvious to you. That stayed in my mind as a child. I said my prayers and went to sleep in my own bed from that day on. I learned to view darkness as another one of God’s tools and mysterious blessings.

Darkness is a blanket God pulls over the skies to keep us warm and ensure our sleep. Sometimes it is soothing. Sometimes it is not. God can also use darkness to get our attention or bring about a transition. I grew up left home and got married. I married a wonderful man who is a great husband and provider. His job as a Special Forces crime agent is very dangerous. Naturally I could worry myself sick each time I see the news and hear about another crime wave, and agent found harmed, or missing in action. But I did not let darkness dampen my faith in God or Bob my husband. I know he is in harms way but he also has faith enough to do it and so I am supportive. He does not need to worry about me while he is in the field.

We tried to have kids and with help we did. God uses doctors and situations too! So time marches onward and I jump to the beat of the stay at home mom. I love it and completely give myself to my family. My kids gave me new purpose and growth I would not get in any other way. I taught them what I learned from mom. I also added a few things. This is what I shared with my children. Darkness is not always bad. There are times we need sleep.

Darkness is a lovely lullaby. God moves the clouds to dance and tells the moon to let down her black hair. Her hair is so long, bushy, and black that it soaks all her husband’s (Mr. Sun’s) light. This tells Mr. Sun it is his time to sleep. When morning comes she will wash her hair and dew will fall on green, brown or winter white snowy grasses. Moon will pin her hair up releasing light her husband fills skies with. All the stars are their children. As moon and the stars go to bed they wake up sun. On rare occasions of darkness sun and moon dance the eclipse to celebrate many years of marriage. Darkness is wonderful and magical.

There are times in life when darkness is scary. An example is crisis as someone falls seriously ill, dies, or worse. Not knowing things in an emergency, like C.P.R., or how to save someone who is drowning, can be darkness. Still my children we are all in God’s hands. You must look to God and find light in life, death, and even in darkness. My kids still had bad dreams like anyone else at that age. But they went back to sleep more relaxed with more understanding. My kids learned that darkness in dreams can have purpose of providing light. I would teach them something else by accident as I learn led by God and a kitten.

I cried and felt my nerves were unglued. The fact that I cried is not bad nor does it bother me. It is just that I cried for so long and despite the fact that my husband was OK and just telling me he COULD have been hurt at work. The worst thing is I did it in front of the kids and really could not be consoled. My husband Bob was fine and telling me so but I was swept away by the rivers of emotion for hours. Mom and I figured it is the change of life. So I regroup relax and get more active. I changed my diet, got involved in fitness and became more active. All around kids, job, husband and other civic duties I volunteered for.I went shopping more and not just for the kids. I actually got myself outfits just because. I did feel better. But I knew something was still bothering me. I could not put my finger on it.

Just then I saw her. The kitten was the color of wet hay and dandelions. She was abandoned, wet and hungry. She was shivering because she was so cold and likely dehydrated. I put her in my shirt. I took her home and nursed her back to health. I put up signs and her picture with where to find the lost kitten. No one ever replied. This kitten became my friend. This kitten has a special way of purring that soothes my soul. It is like she speaks in a universal language of love. I named her Joy. We bonded immediately. I kept up with the kids schedules, and worked along side my husband. My kitten was my private escape, my little joy. She is friendly with our family but obviously prefers me. Her playful paws dance on my face at night. I usually could not sleep anyway. So it became a game. A funny but annoying game until IT happened. Something inside of me just became exhausted.

I had been working as a full time mother and wife for more than 15 years with no breaks or vacation from it all. Finally nature forced its way into me. To every thing there is a season. As I became more seasoned and wiser, God allowed mother moon to let her hair down inside of me. I felt like Job from the bible, or like the “certain woman” who pastor spoke of last Sunday. I was in a panic inside. I understood darkness and *me of rest from outside forces. But what is this? No one ever mentioned this darkness or depression from inside or what to do about it. At first I was not sure how I felt. People told me to pray and I did but was still troubled. My nerves were wound up like a ball of yarn in my stomach. Only God and Joy could reach me. One day I just opened my eyes. God let me see light in my kitten’s eyes. My little kitten Joy, would sit on my lap to comfort me. Though I was larger and Joy was on my lap, I feel she was really holding me. Joy was keeping my heart safe from drowning in depression. She said to me with her eyes and purrs, “I love you for who you are. Even if you don’t feel good I will love you and help you feel better because you are special to me.” The universal language of love and purrs are prayers for my heart to be lifted and made light. The eyes of Joy, my kitten, are the reason to stare into inner darkness and see light, life and God. So Joy the kitten is my prayer partner. She saved my life.

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